Life In a Bottle

2011-01-26T21:44:00.003+08:00

Down and drifting deeper into senseless hopelessness. What's right? what's wrong? who defines all that I don't know. taking effort from my heart and thoughts has it's drastic effects... too much of it has been given out and for new fears to take over. borrowing down deep within my soul. a point of entry from a negative thought can build up and let the fears that i previously vanguished to take root once again. I don't know if i can wait, if i can pull through this mess... I know.. i have always known there is hope... but I just can't help to think and not be influenced by this world's superficial nature.. how humans react.. how i react.. Is love ever that true and sincere as we all hope for... but we ourselves kill off the ideal. passion, love, hope, wisdom and peace are crucial for every being that wants to strive to be better. But I don't think we give each other the chance to be that, or we ourselves being hard heading not plunging forward when we observe the opportunities pass by us. letting fears eat it all up.. I hope it is just a season, not just being hopeful but the endurance to see things come to pass... positive wishes and goals and not just seeing the initial hope all fade away...

I remember people have been telling me not to think too much and just do. whether is it at sch for friends that I know. I am trying to learn to get out but taking just even a step and i feel i start to analyze.. one feet then lunges forward and suddenly i withdraw the feet back from the unfamiliar ground fear retarding me all throughout.. I know there's an inner strength... a strength He can give.. I need You Lord... Show me You in Your glorious light.. reach out your hand and hold on to me and let me know that everything's alright. You are the loving God.. love casts out all fear.. fear would be condemned by the love you so freely give. But now I feel as though fear it letting all of that slip away bit by bit.. with every effort that I take, to be broken down again. I'm done God.. do You hear me??????????

2010-07-24T00:30:00.001+08:00

-*Mind blank*-

2010-07-22T01:17:00.001+08:00

An encouraging song, God is always by our side leading us on through our journey.

2010-07-22T00:40:00.002+08:00

I'm back to blogging :P
It truly has been ages since I have last blogged..
So I'm just back to clear the cobwebs!

It has been a long time since I'm back here, and so many
things I have learnt. I can't truly say I am a better person
than before but God has let me understand many things and seen
the things that I didn't take notice before. I really want to
strive to be a better person, and I know I am genuinely glad
to rely on God. Without God, His love and strength I'm just
a weak being. Love is taking effort, is patience, is self-control,
is thoughtful, is happiness, is anything positive anyone can hope
for.. I have been going through some lows lately, but I know God
can pull me through all these..

I just completed my Foundation in lasalle. I'm really thankful in
all the things I have learnt and the people I get to know. School
work can be a tiring and challenging affair but all of it was worth
going through. God you have taught me so many things, how to be more
confident, how to rely on your strength, how I can try to relate to
other's more, how to love. I am still imperfect so I will keep learning.
Nomatter where I go, I will put my hopes in you.

2009-07-28T19:22:00.003+08:00

wheeee back to blogging! =)
I am just listening to the live DVD of Christina Aguilera's Live and Down Under. Basically i have done nothing of much lately. I just went for a quick haircut today and i think the lady didn't cut my other side properly ( as usual ). Well... at least it doesn't look hideous... :D

Man i can't wait for my school's orientation to start! Even though i am having mixed feelings about it - happy to be able to finally enter art sch, arty farty environment, yet unsure if i am able to mix well with the people there - i am sure God will help me through and to be able to mix with the right people and have fun! :)

weird thing, i just realize i can't post any pictures in this post... i'll do my drawing update on my next post :)

2009-07-16T02:49:00.002+08:00

I'm just thinking if i should bother about friends whom are insensitive, friends that does not like critiques when they asked for it... to think of it, it is frustrating. i need awhile to cool down, I know God will lead me to a better understanding of people and how should i react to the people around me and of course me, myself, change better as a person. :P whoaaa super late! gotta work tml sia!!!

2009-07-10T02:23:00.004+08:00

hmmm today - or should i put it as these days - i have been really free. i feel as though i have not put in much effort in making good use of my time. I got to cherish my last few weeks - or should i say 2 weeks - to orientation day starts.

today i have been working on my drawing Phasing Through Obscurity. it has been great and i feel God-inspired for this piece. i will be posting wips of this drawing ad save the poem and explanation o the meaning and concept of the drawing for the completed update of the drawing. here is the wip one ( though the current version is quite more than this ). I hope to be able to update the wip soon next Monday or so :)

around a month back a drawing of mine was shortlisted to be exhibited at Tokyo's museum. I really hope this will be great exposure for my art if my drawing gets selected. thank you God for opening doors for me, so many good opportunities have come my way, and i believe the best is yet to come! :)
here is the drawing that is shortlisted. Savation Is Here: Anointment

just today i got kinda hooked up onto one of lady gaga's song - Second Time Around. actually this song lady gaga wrote is meant for another artist, but was leaked out. still.. its really great! there was a youtube comment on one of the video of this song that was hilarious! its roughly ,' this is lady gaga's 1st song that is not disgusting! but i am sure she will make the video kinda sexual/explicit', which if lady gaga ever make it her single, i feel, would probably do so.. >.<

that's all for now. peace out..!

2009-07-01T01:43:00.006+08:00

Wheee, I am back to some blogging! I can't wait for school to open! right now I do have some apprehension to how the people in my course would be but I really hope I can meet people with the same passion and interest - wouldn't hurt to make some foreign mates too :). OK I'll keep this post short... just updating on some stuff about my drawing. currently i am working on a drawing called Phasing Through Obscurity. it is a pretty personal piece i have done - probably my most personal to date. I will be posting a work in progress of the drawing soon! So.. to keep the drawing updates coming in - which i think i should do more often -, here's the wayyyy overdue commission drawing i was working quite a while back. the customer was rather glad with it, so it all good.

2009-06-23T19:07:00.002+08:00

Feeling soo much better these days. After the few days of feeling like an emotional and mental wreck, i'm more or less out of the negative mindset. Even though i know i have a long way to learn, to get insulated from the world, sometimes even from Christians. I believe God will guide my way, slowly but surely He is showing me that He is really there. At times God lets us go through things by 'ourselves'. like how a mother bird encourages her young to take flight. in the process of learning how to fly - which in this case learning to have a more mature character and to mature spiritually - the young needs to take courage to conquer its fear of heights.

But when he fall, before we hit the ground, God is like the mother bird, swoops down and bring us back to safety. that's how i learn God is there.

2009-06-20T01:53:00.002+08:00

i'm tired, there are so many issues i'm relying on myself and many issues seem hopeless... God i know you're there... help me get myself back to where it used to be, a better me. its like sinking into a whirlpool, trapped in a quicksand, feel hopelessness all around me, no one there to give me a hand, no beam of light shining in my way, no sun to tell me everything will be alright. struggling with negative thoughts that is driving me into confusion, serious, deep, confusion. I know i shouldn't worry myself thinking too much, but i can't really help it. I feel useless, thinking too technically what i should do, what should have been, what should not have been.

My confidence is fading away, even in the things that i used to feel most confident about, my ability to draw, making art, being creative, i feel so insecure about it. it shouldn't be that way, i need to pull myself out of this blackhole. many people have gotten worse than me, why am i crying out in self-pity?? i have to prevent myself from being double-minded, i don't know how to express what i'm going through. what i experienced, cannot be, by my abiity to pen down in words, my mind is in a total mess.

have i gotten myself into a stronghold that has forced me into this position where i get trampled all over and issues keep sprouting frm the stem? will i alone with God's help be able to survive through? my spirit feels dead now even though physically i'm fine. i hope tml i will enjoy myself with ah liang gang :) it will be a better day.

2009-05-22T02:09:00.002+08:00

these 2 days have been pretty alright. i believe God is guiding me though the things i see, and from the people that i talked to. Times like this - life's crossroad - especially this time, i get anxious and fearful. I can feel God as my comfort, guiding me to think clearly through the verses i read from yesterday's quiet time. Now whats most important during time when we are in a whirl of confusion is to stop. it is important to stay calm, and i am just on the beginning stages in ridding my anxiousness and fears while replacing it with calmness and faith and trust in God.

Its great to have people around to guide or whom would give encouragement, and i am always grateful of that. Whats most important during times when one feels fearful and at a lost is to calm down and to think in God's view, learn what God is thinking and listen to His voice. I hope to be closer to God!

currently now i have fears that are minor. i thank God for providing me them, to let me have a chance to grow in character and capacity in which i do things. alls good, remaining positive is all that matters. gotta do QT soon! wheeee!

2009-05-17T21:05:00.002+08:00

typing typing blogging blogging...

during this period, i am trying to pull myself back together again. i need to have more faith in what God has planned for my life and work my way to it. many times i feel lazy or just faithless. but as a christian, i feel growing in my faith in God is really important. my life is for God. without Him i am nothing, and i get to see that life would be meaningless without Him. I have to get back to God's word.. easy said than done but not difficult as well if i put my heart to it.

these days i get certain negative thoughts. bad thoughts of my life, my purpose, God's existence as well as friends.. well its just part and parcel of life... ok.. not JUST.. but i think i'll have to take these opportunities to help me grow as a person and not to succumb to what that might pull me down, and not to yoke with bad company or people that will drag me down as now i feel i'm not that insulated as a person. i should leave friendships, life's going-ons to God. many times when i feel irritated it only pulls me down and i can't advance up in life, in where i want to be - being affected easily emotionally by others.

other times i feel like curling up in a corner and scream why is my life in such distress.. why so many things i dun and others have? why i have troubles that seem unfair to me. then i come to realize - more of believe - that God planned problems, troubles for others that other may not see, but are existent. however i think its useless to keep compairing my own situation with others and it just helps me to stay stuck. i need friends tt will talk their trobules to me, help me with my trobules as well and not to brag so much about their own life and what their likes and dislikes.. God i pray you'll send me more friends that are this way and help me develop deeper friendships in the friendships i currently have.

wheeee i'm done for now.. :)

2009-05-06T11:54:00.002+08:00

Wheee! back to blogging =). I've just deleted some negative blog posts. I feel it is kinda 'unhealthy' to leave such negative blog posts hanging in my blog. :) :)

It was kinda funny yesterday. I went to the mp to try to ask if they can help me appeal to the CDAC loan people to let me have the loan without guarantors. Before I enter the room, a lady took my temperature - 37.4 degrees. then after maybe 10mins they asked me to take my temperature again - 37.5 degrees. They claimed i might have a light fever and gave me the mask to put on! LOL... i felt a bit weird... Hmmm.. Then i fet the mask actually made me feel hotter!! when i breathe the carbon dioxide kept blowing back to my face and unto my specs. haha. I hope the appeal wil work :)

Currently I am working on a commission. It is a portrait commission probably for a 'client's' friend birthday present. I hope the proportions will come together and that I will be able to complete it by June. that is all for now :P

2009-04-18T18:20:00.004+08:00

whew back from cg meeting at daryl's place. he delivered a great message today. basically these days i have been feeling really dead.. like my brain has deteriorated... really badly.. its is as if my mental tiredness has affected my physical being-sounds weird..- that kinda thing. daryl preached today and he talked about having God's pressence not just during worship, church, or cg. its not an on and off switch once we stop worshipping etc .. i remembered he said we should feel God and His presence throughout our day wherever we are. this brings me back to when i was a kid... lol. when i was a ittle boy, i used to talk to God like no one's business even randomly in my head. these days i feel as though i have lost what i had when i was younger. i should keep believing in God more and more and not the other way round. i think this would be my 1st step in coming out of this slack-mindedness i am experiencing. its affecting my art my communication with people.

moving on... today is like terribly HOT!!! weather's good, beautiful sky... but.. HOT~~~~!!!!!!! ARGHahaha!!! ok.. aaron chill.... ehmph! *eliminating my darkside*
i'm ike sweating now sitting down.... -.-.... i hope that i can find a job during this period. its not a matter of can or not but its more of a must for me. haiz...
I guess i will have to keep praying for a job. gotta build my prayer life up 1st hmm.. ok i'll stop ranting for now... heres a kate winslet drawin i've 'done'. not really competed but i don't think i'll really compete it much anyway ha.

2009-03-18T19:59:00.003+08:00

man... i have no idea whats really going wrong at this period in my life. everything keeps caving in at me. many things are left unattended, unfufiled, hanging. i feel as though trouble is always lurking at the corner when i'm trying my best to keep my feet on track, my eyes on God. i know satan is trying his every means to get at me, to confuse me. while God uses these situations, hard times, obstacles to build my character, increase my capacity at times when i felt like giving up.

recently, i spent a week preparing for the portfolio interview at lasalle. i feel its important to show a 1st good impression at the portfolio interview to kick start a good learning opportunity and consistency at lasalle. i've passed that interview.. then today i spoke to the admin of lasalle about the payment. she told me that the bank loan will only occupy 75% of my fees, the remaining 25% i'll have to fork up myself. they said that they are willing to extend to june for me provided if they still have a place for me in lasalle till then. what i'm worried about is that i might not be able to attend lasalle this year's august intake as i heard this year's enrolment for students are alot more due to the opening of new courses esp in the fine arts area!! meaning more students will be going to visual studies foundation... = lesser chance of me being able to wait till june to submit the 1st semester's $$. the 1st semester's fee is close to $600. at that figure, i feel like fainting already.. how am i going to pay that amount in 2 weeks - thats specified in the letter-?? thats insane.

its just that, its really difficult to remain strong during difficult times. i have to count myself lucky enough.. probably i should put it as fortunate enough to live by God's grace.

yesterday when i did my QT, some verses spoke to me, and that i can relate to it very much. here i'll share one of the few verses :)

' The wicked is ensnared by the transgression of his lips. But the righteous will come through trouble. ' (Proverbs 12:13)

this particular verse really spoke to me as i feel that as we keeps our ways and values grounded in God's word and His spoken word, theres nothing too big we can't face. i feel a good sense of affirmation from God through that verse. its comforting at times like this that i get to know the encouraging side of God, to me. thank you God for Your love, Your Grace and Your mercy.. Thank You for putting me in CHC and putting encouraging ppl and friends around me. even though sometimes ppl et me down, or vice versa, i know You're there beside me. thank you for that.

2009-03-07T22:06:00.004+08:00

i've been thinking these few days about my future. sitting alone at home, many times feeling uncertain about whats ahead God has planned for my future. i feel afraid at times of venturing into the arts world. often i will have a lack of confidence.. do i really have the talent to compete in the arts market? do i have the passion?? must i take this step, almost seemingly a blackhole full of uncertainties? these questions i usually ask myself...

there was a point around 2+ years ago where my passion in art blossomed immensely.. quickly, i can say in my own terms crazy speed. i searched online for my fav singer, christina aguilera's pictures and i found some drawings of christina that led to deviantart sites and zindy zone. the online talent pool has opened up my eyes to how art can be done, probably, partially should be done. thus i began drawing, driven by my passion for the emotional, expressiveness, and the realistic values of portrait drawing.

it lasted till probably the drawing Concealed Nakedness, and then the Ethereal Vow drawing i did not complete. but after those 2 drawings, i now realize its the lack of inspiration that i did not produce as on-par drawings in my own expectations. from the lack of inspiration, it led to low confidence. it was hugely because i did not know why or what was the problem, why i was feeling really unsatisfied with my art. its like in the past i used to have full of confidence in my drawings to even produce drawings without references. till these days then did i realize why i was lagging behind at my pace in growing artistically. maybe its a partial understanding to why i had the lack of confidence in drawing, but well enough to change my mindset.

years before, i knew inspiration was a major factor to the satisfaction for my drawings, drawing from one's feel. that is what art is all about, to me at least. its final ingredient to make why art is called art. i admit between around the 1yr or more span, i do try to figure whats going wrong, what was happening to my developement, why nothing has changed.. but i was never really sure what was the main reason of my art block. till thse days, and i thank God for it, for he built my confidence once again, not fully. slowly but surely :)

recently i found songs from vita, a russian singer, the songs he sang impacted me. its like opening my eyes towards the passion i once had, to be able to feel as inpired to the peak of my inspiration for conveying an idea as i had before my major art block. maybe i can be labelled as impatient.. i'm still tyring to figure out and at the same time i want to learn ways to draw inspiration for my art in the future.

i have confidence in God for giving me a promising future and i believe it could be in the arts industry.. well.. who knows? =) long and tough way but i think having a love for art once again, beats the odds.

2009-02-26T13:09:00.005+08:00

hmmm these few days has been alot of ups as well as some downs. just some things i'm not proud of.. i also realize that its hard to maintain friendhips especially when it becomes as demanding as a relationship. its just demanding at the same time as between us, there is hardly any common interest and we can't relate to one another. i feel so tired whenever i have to lose my temper.. well.. i just rethink... why do i have to put so much effort into a friendship when it does not seem to other ppl now to me like a normal friendship. i'm thinking of keeping a distance.. at times i can relieve my stress, and other times it just gets on my nerves. its partially becuz i know i can't really put a full-on blame on anyone. i really hope to find a good friend that has the same interest as me, same understanding but not as hardheaded as me! haha its hard to get i guess. i feel as though i sound like a pri sch kid now wanting more friends.. feeling lonely.. i'm just feeling down. many times i think, i reflect on the things in my life. i wonder why God placed so many obstacles and it all seems really unfair eventhough i know its for my benefit of grooming my character and to be a better person. i really need God's strength but i'm not relying on it.. its almost as though i'm in distress... sry for my emo-ness

ok i'll just start on something. recently i bought Lady Gaga's CD. there were many comparisons made between christina aguilera and lady gaga. esp some spectaculations about christina imitating lady gaga's style. i think its just inanae to form that kind of conclusion. moving on to te positive side, i think lady gaga has great electro-pop style and i love her music. Songs like Paper Gangsta, Money Honey, lovegame and starstruck, i really like. the rest of the album is great too. there was just one disappointment. actually 2. the 1st disappointment is that the album is spoiled - the cover etc but luckily the cd is fine :). the 2nd disappointment = the CD did not contain one of my favorite songs from her! its called wonderful. sighz. but overall its a great album anyone should buy :)

recently i have completed a drawing called Feelin' Good. for this drawing, i wanted to attempt a simplier style and simplified concept. i intended this drawing to be a small uplifting image to viewers. the concept is waking up to a new day everyday with a positive attitude, looking away at the negative side of life. not a serious drawing, but i am satisfied with the outcome :).

i've tried to include certain pop elements and some illustration/fantasy/surreal elements.

Poem i wrote:
Feelin' Good

Its a new dawn, its a new day.
Look away from the ugly picture that situations sometimes toss at you
but focus on a brighter day.
I look high up towards the sky,
the Sun never forsakes me,
emerging behind the gloomy clouds
where I clearly see the silver linings
shimmering ever so brightly.
and I'm feelin' good, feeling great..

________________________________

done witb pencils and colour pencil
time: around 10hours
A4 office printing paper.

--------------------------------

2009-02-07T02:04:00.011+08:00

yoz! i just feel like blogging right now :).. i went out with the ah liang gang on tuesday. basically i met tiffany 1st and went together to lasalle college of the arts to complete my application matters. after that, we went to meet qiang and yb at the mos burger at bugis junction. had a nice chat then corrine arrived. later that day, corrine went home while we met up jessie at mac and then later junita. altogether i had a wonderful time that day. i realized that having a great time fellowship-ing with friends and other people, just as long as i'm normal, act as myself and relax more and being less anxious, it'll automatically be more fun :). ah liang gang they all are a bunch of nicee ppl :) hope to go out again! ha.. here are the photos we took on that day. :)

tiff and corrine

qiang punching me.. sooo candid la! haha

tiff, qiang, me and yb. yb's smirk is interesting haha. and i look super weird and awkward >.<

yong biao's bright side?... XD

the new couple in town???? hmmm yb and corrine! lol..

this is a random photo of qiang's shirt and jeans haha :D

corrine and yb again. qiang said like shampoo ad haha. yea abit lei! O.o...

there are still a few photos that qiang has not sent me coz my phone had too little space the other day. maybe i will just get those photos from him another day :). thanks for the company ar! :) i feel very thankful to know such nice ppl, its by God's grace. although sometimes i'm a little, or quite hard to bear with, you guys are still very patient :) i'll try to change, my impatient side. haha..

hmmm tonight i'm up awake. at times like this/today, i feel its hard to talk to talk to certain people given certain situations. i have to really learn to spread the gospel to non-christians. its because i realized that i am really terrible at it. i really need more of God's patience and to make good use out of it. its gets really frustrating and almost intolerable when people behave a certain way that is foreign in a way for my character and mind to analyze. the difficulty gets to a higher notch when the other party is not so versed with the language we are communicating with. but i know with God help and guidance i'll be able to improve that aspect of me :)

2009-01-31T00:45:00.016+08:00

whee i should be sleeping now... tml i will be working... but i'll just blog anyway :)

this week was Chinese New Year week. This year's CNY is earlier than normal CNY. The visitation of relatives and everything was pretty boring, and i realized i talked lesser.. much lesser already to my cousins or non at all... Its rather saddening for me, as i used to be rather close to some of them and now how we drifted apart as we grow older. However i had an alright time at my mum's younger brother, my uncle's place on the 2nd day of CNY. Got to have 'fun' with some nephews and nieces, they're rather adorable. i think i kena bullied by a nephew lor LOL.. here are the CNY photos :)

me on my 1st day ^^

These are some photos my sis took of nephew Jerome :) ^^

Here are some photos of my sis..

& Then heres one silly pic of me fooling around lol...

Heres a photo of me and my sis.

heres a photo my me.. shocked coz.. i saw a... GHOST!! yea...!!

Heres a photo of my niece Elizabeth :)

My sis and mum

Mum & me

href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_e8bwVkE79bU/SYMy8Nsp2tI/AAAAAAAAAiY/9Fv5q2uye_I/s1600-h/DSC09605.JPG">

Last but not least a pic of my mum ha.

the hong baos i got were alright, but not much ba :)
but i thank God for the new year :)

just received the JAE results posting today. at 1st was rather torned between my poly choices and lasalle art sch.. the results stated i got my 1st choice which was the games designing at NYP. I was Feeling really vexed about it. As a singaporean, we have the ingrown thingt to take the save route, thus my mind veered in a way for me to want to go poly like everyone else. I feel that somehow art school seems to be the right choice, though risky, it is worth the risk to take. though i'm still not really over about the vexed issue but i'm feeling much better as of now. In life there are risks. Being creative there are risks. To succeed ther are risks involved too. Well my decision in going to art school will then test how much of a risk i will choose to take to follow my heart. Thank God i'm a christian! Thank God that He gives me faith and paves my way. Thank You my good Lord!!

i

2009-01-25T19:43:00.004+08:00

yoz.. i'm back from some shopping today. these week i've been feeling irritated with work, lack of communication with them them had a brush with them in a way or another. but at least i receive a little ang bao and my little last week's pay yesterday.

My O levels results came out the other day, at 1st i thought i got around 20points, i was disappointed with myself until wilson called and asked about my points, and also the individual subject points. then he calculated for me and my L1R4 turned out to be 17points. was uber'ly' happy! i got to hit my initial aim of getting either 16 or 17. hoping to get 18-20 was my later aim as i thought i will fail my maths and get over 20 haha. God is great, always merciful, i somehow feel He has given me more than what i deserve! all praises unto Him! 17points isn't fantastic but at least i got my aim, was very very unexpected i must say haha. Jia you fellow darksides for our bright future ahead of us! in the end it isn't very much on our cert but its our abilities and God's love and grace that will carry us far in life =)

Last sunday tiff, wei qiang and i we went shopping at bugis junction. it was fun, but yet rather stressful at the same time. i was afraid of dragging the shopping time by just standing in the shop deciding which shirt to buy lol. In the end, i bought 2 buttoned shirts with sleeves that can be buttoned up and down from Vintage.FB. Now to think about it, the shirts are to my liking haha. the Fun darkside Joseph bought a nice vest ( quite expensive =O!! ) i think it suits him very well, glad we both got the things we wanted. tiff did not buy anything as she was mostly window shopping... and the female clothings the shops sell there are very nice, as well as the price LOL. thanks for the company tiff and qiang! here are some random pictures i took of them tt day haha.

then today, i went with my sis to do some last minute shopping and in the end i spent more than my budget ( i always bring more money than needed just in case for my 'emergency' shopping urges haha ^^. i bought i belt, 2 pairs of pants from IP.Zone that i really like ( one pair of pants i bought then exceeded my budget ha ) and also a red colour vest from Messy. i'm happy i got what i like, will save more money for future clothings. It is good, always good to improve oneself, i think also what we wear. after i get enough clothings, i'll think of ways to manage my hair lol and other parts where outlook lies. it feels great to think life in an interesting manner. There are so many things yet to get used to, discover and be excited about. i thank God for bringng me thus far even through periods i thought i couldn't manage, couldn't bear any longer, i know that He's always there. Thank you Lord!

lastly... HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!! :D :D

2009-01-07T01:59:00.007+08:00

i'm sitting at infront of the lappie... at 2am plus when by right i should be asleep... i feel totally wrecked... all started by the money issue. i feel as though i'm drained, drained of tons of my energy this past period when i was working... and now to know i will not get a single cent in return. partially because of my fault. i backed out of the agreement i signed. i'm very exhausted, can't take more of the 12hr working hours... totally dreadful, crappy, look crappier as well... hardly any personal time at all. i feel as though working this job is very redundant even thought there are many things i have learnt from working as a sampler - not as simple as it sounds ok!*.

the good side of working as a honey sampler ( or whateva u call it - is i am made to approach ppl/ potential customers continuously... and almost kinda forced myself o up my EQ, till the extend when i'm feeling totally crapped up still got to push myself to be polite to ppl, even when i'm uber tired and don't feel at all like it. i've learnt to try to endure, to stand for loong hours, slowly learning tactics to not feel aching etc. standing at tampines interchange i was sweating throughout the whole time already... so... working like that without running is already a tiring workout already. i realize by now why i see people ushering or working standing like to put their one or 2 hands behind their back is not just look more composed but also it helps to lessen the shoulder ache when one stands too long. through this job, i got to meet nice work people as well.

the downside of this job is 12HRS!!! before i worked this job, when i 1st heard about the timing for this job i was kinda thinking who the heck works 12hrs everyday?!! i thought it was totally insane, now i still think it is quite so, just.. maybe lesser. i got to do cleaning job when they did not tell me previously that i had to do these kinda things and i saw a cockkroach running out when i did the wiping of floor at one corner today. don't they have the freaggin hands to even wash their own cups?? they are perm workers, and they don't hire the part-time workers... still we are treated like their maids.

the other crappy part of doing this kinda work is that i get to see the so-called lame or even uglier side of singaporeans. people can be so rude when i already asked my kindest tone, gesture if he/she wants to try a sample, they just walk past slowly without replying, as if i'm some ghost in Ghost Whisperer show. another lame but abit amusing sight is that i see MANY people using handphone as an escape to avoid our requests. when they see samplers* approaching they just swipe out their handphone and call someone. it happens so many times till i know its not a coincidence that they just really needed to use the phone at that time. to me it all seemed ridiculous lol. its funny though haha... its really easy to see a person's character if its to the good to bad side when you approach to a person when working my kinda job. the good ones will smile widely and say thank you. the normal ones will just smile and look away, they'll nod when i say thank you at the end. the bad ones will just walk past, frown at you. the worse ones will shrug you off saying ,' bu yao bu yao!', or ' don't want, don't want', impolitely. but it gets frustrating when people turn a deaf year even when i approached then and asked then loudly politely. haiz...

i just feel it is a nice job, but its too long a job. its only suitable for people who need cash to get by without better solutions or workaholics.

i'll just till here today... still got tons to type the next post.. maybe..

life's full of uncertainty. the only certainty i get is from God. thank you God, thank you for your blessings.

2008-12-12T15:56:00.010+08:00

hey back again typing, back's aching... etc etc ha. haven't done much things lately. just drawings, tv, com, chat, eat sleep, church. went out with tiff jie and darkside Nanlin jie i think on tuesday, huimin and ming jie couldn't make it and forgot to ask othr friends ( it was a last minute thing! ). so end up only the 3 of us lol, then we went to walk walk... and to get formal shoes. in the end all were like sooo EX!! i went on to try some formal pants, but all were too tight. i tried from around 28 to i think 32, then i ask for bigger they said dun have, the next bigger is 38. LOL i was like T.T haha but was good talking to tiff and nanlin. we walked past the SAM and i took a pic of the new structure/installation/monument or something. looks cute like as tiff said, a tied up balloon. ^^

these few days i've been on a tiny drawing spree. i've been trying to draw a portrait of Kate Winlslet with colour. i'm feeling abit down about it, many things i have to fix and am not really satisfied with. Nevertheless i'll just post it up...

and other thing i just remembered to include. this is the extract from esther's blog. rem to past around :)

"This is to appeal to you guys to help create better awareness to the plight of the children and and for those who can support, do give support and donate as we are raising donation for christmas.

* * *

Payatas, located located in the suburbs of Manila, Philippines, is called Smoking Valley. the biggest garbage dump in the Phillipines and one of the three biggest slums in the world.

Can you see tons of rubbish lying around?

I couldn't imagine myself living there, let alone children who are so much younger than me, climbing the moutains just to work and the earning of a child is not even enough to buy food. They collect materials from the dumps to sell, working daily in order to survive. In such a dump, children as young as four years old scavenge from early morning till late at night in order to help the ends meet.

And not to mention, the dangerous situation they were in. When there's bad weather condition, there's a very high possiblilty of landslides, which can crushed and buried over a hundred shacks belonging to scavenger families.

The Smoking Valley has grown to become a stark and heart-tugging reminder of the desperate conditions of humanity.

Watch the video, which highlight the situation:

Because of that, Totedaddy.com is working with Lighthouse Center For Children Foundation to bring a little cheer to the children this Christmas.

Totedaddy has kicked off with a cash sponsorship of USD 10,000 to enable the children to celebrate Christmas. FusionExcel International has also pitched in a USD 5,000 in cash sponsorship. The money raised will help fund the projects already in place, and help fund additional projects aimed at providing better housing, and a means of livelihood for the Payatas community.

(click on the link for more information on Christmas for Payatas)

http://www.christmasforpayatas.com/

There are also many prominent supporters for the good cause.

You can click here for more information: Prominent Supporters

I do hope that this post makes you aware of the plight and do spread words around about Christmas For Payatas.

Help to bring smiles to children there and to bring christmas joy to them and their families.

Once again, if you can donate, do donate.

You can visit Totedaddy.com to make your donation

or you can click here to make your donation: http://totedaddy.com/donate_now.asp?id=115f89503138416a242f40fb7d7f338e

So do spread words around and Lend a Helping Hand! :)"

so spread the word a!!

2008-12-02T20:28:00.005+08:00

yo folks, i'm back here typing once again. i've been feeling so sian and tiring these few days, things will be getting very busy soon... very soon i have to seriously look up a job and try to get everything done by friday, as i need the $$ to pay my sch loans, try to complete the drawing for the portfolio interview coming next year. in between i think i have to start making card for esther and also go for some church stuff. i hope i can get everything done well, i'm such an unorganised person.. i should continue my habit of being more orderly during my O lvls period. i have to plan my stuff.

ok 1stly heres the drawing wip2 of Switch. many things to plan. it will be a heavily concepted art ( even the idea is abit too technical for me, but experimenting is good :) ).

before my Os period, when i was still schling in CHEC, when out lunch with my schmates, came across this artwork display at cityhall. its a huge piece and gives very interesting perspective of 2 different images when view in red and blue coloured transparent medium. i saw this on the news quite sometimes before that, and was great to see it in real :) personally i prefer the red version, i feel the sadness of the child's face conveyed is very genuine, and i love the fantasy vibe and the other little ki peeking out at the right corner of the artwork. both versions i feel many people can relate to, really like it :D

okie dokie.. i have been going around youtube as usual these few days. i came across evanesence's music video ' Everybody's Fool', very long time since i last saw that video and i still think its very niceee, very arty, i love the whole concept ( man i feel as though i'm describing a drawing... >.< ), very MEANINGFUL. this video uses the exaggerrated perspective of a celebrity's insecurity and i feel anyone can relate to it in a way or another. one of my fav MVs ever!

i think there are somethings i forgot what i wanted to blog, but nvm i'll just leave it to here 1st :)

2008-11-26T21:25:00.003+08:00

finally back here typing and back from the skating outing with CHEC friends, biao ( big bro big), qiang (little darkside ), lin ( official darkside ) and jessie ( aka lianjie O.o ). but before i go to that, i'll like t talk about something crazy, stupid, but at the same time hilarious....

i was checking my email today and i got to a mail and the subject is Hello. i opened the mail and guess what i found? heres the copy-and-paste

''HELLO

How are you? i hope all is well with you, i hope you may not know me, and i don't know who you are. My Name is Miss Aminata, i am just broswing now and i just saw your mail contact and it seams like some thing touches me all over my body, i started having some feelings in me which i have never experience in me before, so i became interested in you, l will also like to know you the more,and l want you to send an email to my email address so l can give you my picture for you to know whom l am.

Here is my email address (aminatasankoh_1@yahoo.com)
I believe we can move from here!
I am waiting for your mail to my email address above.
Miss Aminata '''

its just so disgusting and gross, i'm sure quite alot of people have receive this kinda emails. this seem ridiculous to me as i've never actually opened much of these emails, usally they end up in my junk mail - not sure how it got into my inbox... very weird... sooo... i just DELETE it!!!

ok now going on the what i did with the fun bunch of CHEC friends... we went skating. at 1st iao ge rented a bike. then joseph, jessie, nanlin and me we rented rollerblades. after awhile joseph and jessie gave up probably tired etc from skating and joseph changed and rented a bicycle instead while jessie chose towalk walk. therefore i and nanlin skated slowly and talked ha during that, biao and joseph kept riding bicycle around us, moved far ahead and kept coming back, its pretty funny ha. the weather was pretty cooling but was drizzling half the time! here are some crazy photos of them ( esp nanlin's )

at 1st i was wondering how come nanlin's darkside did not appear today but after that, joseph and i took some of these candid photos and it released her very unique darkside! haha ok i'll stop crapping for now...
i'll post the proper ones taken by jessie and qiang after that when i receive them :)

2008-11-25T17:51:00.003+08:00

back to blogging abit. i'm feeling tired, body neck aching all over, probably thats becoz i spent mos of my time infront of my sis's lappie todae. but at least tml can skate abit then got exercise ^^.

currently i'm still working till the 2nd wip stage of my drawing Switch, its rather frustrating... its like i work till i feel kinda satisfied with it, then i tried something, then my confidence lvl went waaayyyyyyyyy down, and after that when i work on those issues on the drawing, i'm happy again, then now i did somethings andi'm feeling less confident on it right now. its also probably due to myself expecting too much from what i'm drawing.... haiz but life has to go on....

2008-11-24T16:11:00.003+08:00

yoz back again blogging :) feeling kinda sianz today, was playing msn game with jessie just now. and now i'm on youtube listening to mariah carey's song, rooftop. very soothing, lovely song. i was sitting at my sis's lappie and i was thinking that i'm rather free these few days from now... and i thought of what to do, and what will i be doing after this period - art sch just came to mind as always. i just felt God reminded me how blessed i am already, to be in CHC. i got to know so many great people in church and i do feel i'm heading in the right direction, somehow.. i know God will lead me to the direction he wants me to. i feel another thing that i'm blessed is that i face no pressure in choosing what i want to pursue for my education and career - i don't have parents forcing me to study all the way, to be a doctor/lawyer or anything related. i'm glad for that.

on saturday i went to expo and the Special Musical was great, its a meaningful musical, great young talents, wonderful message. afterhich i went to hall 7 with jeanine to complete the card for Pastor Yock Kiang's ordination and birthday card. the card came out much better than we expected, had a great time making the card and at the same time i got to realized jeanine's talent for being random LOL. hope to post a photo of the card soon thogh its nothing like real professional thingy, but its really fun to make! hope pastor will like it =)

moving on to other things... this wednesday... skating with fellow CHEC friends!! YAY, can't wait will be fun! ^^ skate and talk to one another. and hopefully in dec can ask some of us to come together and draw and do our own craft together :) it'll be great :)

2008-11-19T02:01:00.003+08:00

many things happened yesterday esp... and today too. well... life is a mystery as they say. i'll just type the more positive things =) today i went to artfriend to get doublesided tape and black board to for making the card for pastor. the most time comsuming thing was the selection of colour pencils!! i needed a long time to find the right colours that i visualize might suit the idea i have for my drawing i sketched out already. and when i got home, i realized i forgot to buy the green colour pencil i chose! well maybe i'll go down someday and get that one green colour pencil haha.

i have been planning and sketching out a concept i had in mind for around a month. its a concept regarding technology. i have beendrawing alot of faces and flowers etc, but i think it'll be good to test outside the bounderies more to draw something, to a certain extend, different than i normally draw. this part of the drawing shown here is just a small, but significant part of the drawing.

the shown part here is in the middle of an A3 paper, i will reveal the left and right sides of the drawing when i start colouring them this is another one of my 'serious' drawings i'm working on and my 1st time trying to complete a proper coloured work, thus i'm quite excited to do so the face structure is done without reference.

currently this photo i took is crappy and is blurry. in actual its abit grainy and brighter in colour ( result of a nightshot with a mobile phone ). i have much to complete on the face, still etc.

heres the drawing work in progress 1, title: Switch

2008-11-17T10:57:00.002+08:00

hmmm have been finding pictures and doing a little research this morning for my coming drawing.. all is going quite alright, i just feel uncertain how it is going to come along since i'm not like a real expert in putting my references together to form an idea i have, but practice makes perfect so i know with God's grace i'm able to draw creativity from Him and achieve what i am aiming for this drawing and also my goals in life. sometimes i have confidence in God for my future, but when i'm feeling down, i feel lousy and hopeless. i despise the fluctuating emotions... its stressful especially when there are quarrels etc etc at home and i get tensed up so fast.. i hate that feeling...

i hate endless talking, sometimes people should just shut up and listen! i'm constantly receieving so much negativity... and i am not a very nice person myself... sometimes i just feel life is just so difficult to live... maybe its just me feelin down now... maybe i should try to understand people better and try to compromise more... maybe its because i'm listening to a sad sad song hmmmmm....

i'm rather free these few days, i will most probably drop by artfriend at bras basah later on to get myself the colour pencils i need, will need to test the colour pencils before i buy though. but i'm excited to start my colouring for my drawing! ^^ life's too short not to enjoy, but i hope to get out of the crumpled state i feel that i'm in. but i'm glad going to church has made me a better person ( or at least i do try ). i remember i used to have an emo blogskin, but now i just dislike those emo thingy, so icky... i feel full blast emo style whether clothing, artwork, blogs etc etc etc is kinda fake. i know it sounds harsh, but i just feel indulging in negative things all the time, will just lead to a downfall... feeling down is nothing cool nor great... its like you can see something is really plain emo or genuine sadness or emotional.

man and its so difficult to find a good reference of a person looking up with the right emotion that i want to include ha. hmmm now i'm listening to some happy natasha songs... ok back to searching! :) :)

2008-11-14T18:23:00.005+08:00

wheeee! just changed my blogskin. i like some orange so there it goes! there are some things i have trouble changin gin the template that the skin looks abit weird but i'll try to see to it somehow.

basically i'm slacking alot these days and i'm trying to cmplete my cell member's drawing, i'll try to complete most of it today if it is possible! during the O lvls exam, i bought Rihanna's album - with quite afew new songs added. i love songs such as take a bow, sell me candy, disturbia, question existing and i especially find rehab a very meaningful and emotional song. i love the songs!

hmm now moving on. i typed on my previous post that i'll be posting my drawing and its details here, so here it is =)

Title: Memories So Real

Poem I wrote:

All these pain, it hurts my soul
i can't forget,
i can't let go...

All the love, masked all the hycrocrisy
its hard to comprehend,
but i finally understand...

All your deceit,
All your cynicism, intoxicated my heart
added so much to the nightmare,
and it is so much more than i can bear...

I will never let you break me
I will never let you feed me with hurt and lies
I will never allow myself to suffer,
living in the burning dreamscape of smog and horror

Now let me come into sanity,
let me wake up from my broken dreams,
i desprately need a breath of fresh air.
God, please take me away from the haunting memories,
Memories So Real.

------------------------------
Symbolism:
1stly the frame element you see ( at 1st glance= mirror ), but this idea is very much inspired by the idea of marriage/family photo album covers. thus marriage/family albums reminds people of happy times and memories.

for the 2nd part of the concept, i have added other symbolisms like cracks, hand with roots and soil and flowers lined with the black colour ( negativity ), all which veer towards the negative concept and feel that interwines with the idea of the concept i wanted to convey as a whole. many other symbolisms can be understood by the poem which i wrote to go along with this drawing. one of the main objectives still for this drawing is approaching this drawing at a surrealistic approach using a head as if popping out of the frame-like structure. the frame acts as a portal into another world ( dreamscape as mentioned in the poem )

Technical: i drew her eyes bigger as proportional naturalism isn't what i'm totally aiming for. i wanted her eyes to be bigger to convey certain emotion, sadness, shock, probably as if just woken up from nightmare etc. my aim for this drawing wasn't to be too hyperrealistic thus i feel i have not tarnished the purpose of the drawing. this drawing is drawn by imagination except the hands which i used slight reference from looking at my own hands.

_______________________

the purpose of the drawing is to be able to relate to the problems that many people face, emotional or physical. the earth is filled with so much terror and hycropcrasy at times that makes us feel intimidated. i believe all the more standing strong will increase our understanding towards life and all its negativity thus builds our character from lessons learnt.

_______________________

i'll just blog till here today :):)

2008-11-04T20:00:00.014+08:00

whew! finnally i've completed my exams! the stupid O level examinations! ^^ haha not literally stupid but stupid for torturing me ( if u get what i mean ) ! soooo irritating exams! ok 1stly here are some pics xiao qiang, tiff, biao ge and ming jie and i went to burn our notes right after our social studies exam! its crazy though. ha its not a crime so chill guys...

here are some kinda crazy pics of me discarding my school notes ^^ it felt great to crush and crumple the school notes esp math! ha

hah, o and right after our last paper, tiff, ming jie, wq, yb, Nanlin, jessie and her friend we went to watch high school musical 3... LOL i didn't want to go but since i thought it would be quite boring to stay at home so i might as well join them and celebrate! the movie at some parts was rather funny but i felt the concept of story was quite lacking. here are some photos of the outing. o yea and here and i with my new glasses :)

the outing was fun la, esp got the nanlin exposing her dark side.... its abit scary but was funny haha. had a great time, hope we all can go out someday again! :) :)

heres a small treat photo. this photo was taken on the day when my sis was in the kitchen. she was frustrated and hit the table. then she heard some rattling sound. kinda freak out, or thought she was thinking too much, she tried again. and there, the sound repeated. then she went to investigate and found a lizard on the wall face down biting a rubberbAND! the lizard could not escape as it was biting unto the rubberband so it rattled its tail against a box in fright ( thats wad made the sound ). i removed the box near the lizard and took a pic! haha

ok i think i'm blogging till here, maybe on my next update then i'll blog about my completed drawing :) :)

2008-08-05T21:20:00.011+08:00

back blogging. i've been feeling down... very down.. like sinking into depression these few days. like another busy week this week's gonna be.... i have no idea exactly why am i feeling so tensed up, really easily stressed... but i won't allow myself to continue to fall into depression, its the O levels period summore... hence i must strive harder and stay positive! i'm so much fortunate than many people in this world, its by God's grace that i'm provided with a home to live in, food to eat, compared to those people starving in third world countires and many facing worse difficulties, i'm so much more fortunate.

was chatting over msn with a maple ( an rpg game ) friend. was abit awkward for me when at 1st i received an msn message ' Amen'. from there we began talking and had a nice time sharing thoughts and discussing certain things. i realized that i have to be more out-going. i keep feeling that communicating with people is such a chore... but i know God's always there to guide me, to build my character, to pick me up when i fall, to turn nasty situations into better ones... its been a pleasure to know God's people as well.

so to relieve abit of stress for myself, here are some fun pictures i took quite awhile back :) :)

Chen Gong Gong. aka doggy chen, chen GG, Chen NN ( Niang niang ), arrogant Chen. lol jkjk...
Aaron Chen is his real name...

an innocent friendly looking boy....

BOO! wa... all the arrows shoot out! bad boy bad kid! haiyo..... tsk.. tsk...

Here is Mr Ka Zhua with Yaya Chen GG

another photo.. Ka Zhua molesting the innocent.. young ... boy.. chen.. lol JK

here are some BGR photos... hmmm

Biao Ge and Lee.... FEI FEI! :D :D

heres.. Ka Zhua with Nanlin Jie lolx...

then Nanlin Jie with Father Daryl...

and last.. wei qiang and tiffany lee xin lin! haha jk la... not gonna make life difficult for the u know who lol..

ok i think i'll stop here for now :)

2008-07-29T21:55:00.001+08:00

here i am blogging once more. today my little researching on my interest to know more about art and the fascination about art that i have has let a way for a breakthrough in my thinking.

i was looking over at Armin Mersmann's deviant account. he is an artist that hugely inspired my passion for conceptual arts. i look through his interview on DA, he explained alot about his point of view what art really mean't to him and how he was influenced in art in the begining and his process. it made me realize that i was slowly losing sight of my goal, getting pushed out of the way by people's comments and my mind changed over time. today's 'discovery' made me think and wonder, it made me realize i as losing sight of why i love art so much previously. its a outlet for me to imprint my emotions, expressions that are only secrets kept between me and my mind. i forgot how much i wanted to ispire people as a huge goal. it explains even though my recent works are conceptual, but lack a certain atmosphere, a personal touch to awaken the atmosphere to convey what i truely feel. it lacked the outright straightforward expressiveness of my personality. i did not bring those into my works, the recent ones.

my fav work to date from myself is Concealed Nakedness.

that was the period where i had my effort in creating what was truthful, personal, a part of me, something dear. i feel that i'm fortunate enough to keep my sight back on track on my aim, that inspired myself in the 1st place. the term good art is often seen otherwise as technical. its as if anything technically inclined can become good art, but lack the substance of expression, flow, personal intentions on each element he/she imprints onto the medium. what i read and felt today, led to my rediscovery. i want to be truthful with my art. i want to experience, someday.. creating art that will inspire, emote a person to even cry, comprehend, appreciate wehat i put out in my future art. art is an incredible platform, it serves of great usage bring out thoughts that words can't describe, signs can't imitate. i deeply want the enthusiasm and yearning for art back in my life.

i have to constantly remind myself and not be shaken of the purpose i found in myself. just a piece of thought today this should be all i'm typing =)

2008-07-28T09:34:00.003+08:00

back blogging for a little bit. nothing much to comment about these few days. just feeling strange and weird as i don't fall sick that easily, maybe have a fever 1 a year?? then these 3 days at 1st i had a fever, feeling faint, tired and aching and some back-of-my-nose discomforts on saturday. i went around my neihbourhood trying to look for doctors.. only the clinic which charges very expensive was open thus i just went home thinking and hoping the sickness will go. then on sunday, i think i had a slight fever, but in the end it subsided to 37 degrees so no more fever... but i felt a throat discomfort like two little stones pressing against my throat whenever i swallow things etc... today i woke up, couldn't get back to sleep as it got worst lol... so my past 3 days i have my life revolving around my sickness...

hmmm not quite, as i was bored of staying at home so i took out a drawing i called Asian Portrait wip1, now i'm back with about 2 hours more of extra drawing ( who knows the paper might be infected??! Argh!!!! ***. but i think i'll stop bragging and post my comment i typed about this drawing.

hi guys, back from my 'awhile' disappearance. i was trying to get myself away from the computer. so i hardly used the internet these 2 weeks. i have been working abit more on my last portrait i called Asian portrait wip, around 1plus hrs yesterday and less than 1 hr today. good thing for me is that i thought out a concept that i like very much its not very clear at this point but i pretty much hope the end result will be how i intended it to be

for the technical stuff, i'll still need to work more on her chin nose, and add abit more shades on her face, work on her mouth shade her hair etc... but i'm quite satisfied with her features already

right now i'll just call the drawing In Remembrance

heres the wip 2 ^^

_________________________________________________________________________

feeling rather empty these few weeks.. as i have not been faithful in reading my bible and having quiet time... if my spirit is physical, it would look like b0nes and nothing... imagine 2 weeks without food... maybe thats why the sickness attacked me like this.. maybe. i'll just blog till here, feeling tired already gotta go see doc soon =(

2008-06-29T19:21:00.004+08:00

finally back on here and blogging. i don't know why i am sick and tired of blogging and other stuff etc... nothing much to type in this post, just here to post 2 artworks.

the latest completed is Delicate Spirit.the proportions are like all over.. but nvm :(

Explaination for drawing:

i named the drawing Delicate Spirit is because we humans have the spirit component to us (body, soul, spirit ). the delicate spirit makes a part of our spirit whole, our personality. i drew the character nude to show her delicate side. the floating hair gives a light atmosphere to support the idea. i wanted to convey an overall expression that makes people see a beauty in her and want to protect her - like how many people feel for their special someone.

___________________________________________

Time less than 10hrs
Pencil 2b, 9b
A4 office printing paper
my fingers
No physical reference used.
________________________________________

the other piece is a wip. heres my comment i copied and paste from the forums :)

heres the last wip of my current wip, Memories so Real.. i've shaded the background but i will be shading more of it especially the viewer's left of the drawing. i will be shading up her hair and also the flowers and frame properly. afterwhich i will do her mouth, abit more on the clouds and lastly the hands, adding roots and soil to it. i'll correct some things here and there and it'll be done! ( also will be giving the viewer's left hand abit of wrist ). will be explaining the meaning of this drawing when i post the completed :P

thats all for now, i think i have to eat my dinner soon. cya

2008-06-10T19:58:00.008+08:00

hohoho, today, i went to the church where my mum usually goes. and i came back home from visiting afew nurseries at my home. kovan area, nice plants. i carried the thought to buy a pitcher plant ( carnivorous plant ), as i did not expect to find any venus fly-traps... i went from one nursary to another. with every next nursary i went, the pitcher plants look nicer and nicer. 1stly from those gigantic dangling ones then at last to the firm standing ones that i prefer. i initially wanted to get one of those upright standing pitcher plants but later the elderly man who i enquired abou the pitcher plants tld me about venus flytraps i got excited - anyone who is a kid at heart will be! ^^

i saw many cacti, nice orchids. but the highlights were cute, ridiculous pitcher plants and also those beautiful ones ( i have to go back there and buy! i heard the species i want is seasonal lol. last of all i also saw... STRAWBERRIES! yea strawberry plant, weird to see it bearring fruit in sg ...

here are the photos :)

this is the pitcher plant i wanna buy!

close-up. i like its slightly pinkish colour at its leaves. bad photo-quality to show that properly..

the surprising sight..

my little babies! ( maybe i should give my plant a name :D )

i then went home to reseach, i realized that venus flytraps are not easy to manage at all.... but the harder it is, more interesting it gets. currently only one trap is shut. in the plant there are - i counted - approximatly 20 traps... thats alot for a small plant. so i'll see ow it goes from here.

2008-06-02T19:52:00.002+08:00

back again typing an entry....

today starting was good, but very much to my dismay, school ended horribly. i feel so tired, confused and frustrted on certain things.

ok heres a slight intro into the problem.. there is a schmate of mine. i'll name her by just her initials here. she is MX. i don't know her much, i just know her attitude and maturity just, really... sucks. she have shown people like my friend tiff, me and even others with disrespect.

she started to create for herself the fun by verbally bulling my friend. i was constantly irritated her what she doeswhen my friend tiffany discussed about certain issue. i thought females should bemore mature, i have all the respect for the other sex as i know so many females who are very intelligent and independent. she is just one of the few exceptions i guess... she have been addressing me to her friends as tiffany's boyfriend and maybe her own classmate.

so i'll 'narate' the incident to as much as i can recall. 1st i was at the lift area with classmate wei qiang and talking waiting for the lift, MX & her classmates also came to the lift area. and suddenly i hear, ' aye tiffan's bf leh'. there goes my last straw to hold back. this issue has been on for long and as i thought it was getting bettershe made it back to square 1..

when we were entering the lift, i went forward and ask her why she kept refering to me as tiffany's bf when i totally was not. tiff is just a good friend of mine and she found that amusing enough to give the studpi me= tiff bf feedback.. then she like did not reply alot. later when we all just entered the lift, her sms alert rang and i asked her again and she ignored me. how ignorant can she be?

i stared at her while she was using her hp. i was fuming within already. then i just told her something like,' can you stop telling people i'm tiffany's bf, its very irritating'. i was expecting abit of sensible type of reply.. then she just denied calling me tiffany's bf and she said she was or could have said she was calling someone else and how do i know she was referring to me as tiffany's bf. she was OBVIOUSLY in a state of denial and was beating around the bush. crazy to see how timid she is. then i argued with her and told her to stop talking senselessly, or maybe i told her not to act stupid. coz she was literally tring to drown my voice out of the atrocious self-defense.

hey fancy a girl - yea i still have respect t call her that - trying to out talk in loudness to a guy. girls can't out talk and even out-shout the other sex 90% of the time. and she inevitably had to shut up for awhile. i had to show her i was not a push-over. the argument was so bad, we were like raising our voices in the lift with her friends and other ppl in the lift. the quarrel was so horrible - in my standards- that i was just so heated in the head and when the lift opened, i walked out and called her a 'bitch' . i don't think any female will take it in without retorting. she immediately said ' Fuck you! '. i then commented about she fking herself and i told her to go be lesbian at geylang.

i was so horrible. i regretted saying that to her as i knew it was said in impulse. i think she might have been further angered and maybe even hurt by that remark so i admnit i'm in the wrong on that part. then we just departed in seperate, she and her friends i with qiang ge. i can't tolerate hypocrites... enough grace enough for tolerance i have given.. sometimes during times like this people should stand up for their own rights. i refused to be verbally bullied, i thank God for this incident to let me see my flaws and to build up my character. i have no idea how she is taking this whole incident as, but i hope something good will come out of this negative situation. i just hope that she will leave me and my friend alone and keep her negative comments to herself. i terribly hate her attitude, her behaviour but not her. i hope she will realize her mistakes and have more compassion and lov for people.

OK now moving on to more light-hearted stuff ( weird like these few posts i have this concept of putting my unhappy issues 1st then talk about happy things on next half of the post lol. last saturday, after cell meeting, i was discussing music with him. we talked about each other's interest on what we like about music and songs. i think he knows i have trouble putting all the songs into my handphone so he passed tiffany the ipod mp3 player. so that she can pass it to me when i see her in school.

i thank God for letting me know Willy as a person, a friend and a cell menber. he's an inspiring person, has good values and attitude. lots to learn from him and i really thank him for blessing me with that mp3 :) i hope in the future i can more giving like him, and like God.

i think thats all for now. i have to revise for my MRT test tml!

2008-05-26T00:13:00.004+08:00

back again, just here to post a short one as its pretty late and i still have my personal things to do.... i had a great time in church today and cell meeting yesterday. God is full of grace and perfection, i'd love to know more of Him. i'll talk about this things more on my next post as i need to keep this post short =)

around last wednesday, i went with qiang ge to bugis street's QQ noodle shop to eat. on the way i saw this poor dead chick. i think it fell from the tree and died. its infested with flies.....

picture of dominic and nan ling. 'socialising' ... hmmmmmmm

i'm thankful that nan ling a chec classmate of mine shared with me about her teacher that has pursued an art career and other things related to art. i received 2 very interesting postcards that her teacher gave her in the past about the art exhibition. lovely paintings i must say...

finally here is the scan of the Anointment drawing lol. thanks Esther for helping me edit the image and removing the stupid middle line! :D

i prefer this version than the photogrpah version ^^

2008-05-19T17:08:00.005+08:00

after a few weeks since my last blog post, i'm back blogging again. finally after sooo long, i chopped off my ridiculous fringe! whooohooo! i feel so irritated by the fringe, the fringe caused like 200% increase in pimples on my nose and around my nose area when in the past was not lol. so i'm glad i got a haircut. ( i hate 'long' fringe! ). heres the new haircut pic, a candid one - i smile like i am eating something .... -.-'''

was out with s25 on outreach activity at Bishan park. quite big a park for singapore. i've never cycled in like around 5years???!! but i did not have any difficulty whatsoever in cycling. just that i wasn't satisfied and ended up irritated cycling a 2-wheel bike with one of my cell member.. she just blames when its her fault. i find that really stubborn. someone should just grow up.... dunno how to ride bicycle then say la, why say forgot??? how ridiculous? i asked how long havent you been riding a bicycle she said 2 years. i for one did not cycle for around 5 years and had no trouble in cycling. i hate obvious liars. please be professional if you want to lie intentionally. you don't know how to ride its your buisiness. at least tiffany got courage to say she don't know how to ride...

hmmm ok i'll stop complaining about the cycling... i was glad God helped me at least invite a person. Corrine, tiff's friend came. super outgoing sia haiyo and i will remember the horrible aga aga she told me to hold LOL. yucks! the aga-aga was like leaking al over my bag flowing to my pants. sitcky sticky mess... tsk tsk. here the pic of corrine and tiff i took on the bus

finally here is my current drawing update. Memories so Real WIP 2. heres what i wrote about this drawing in the forum.
' hihi, i'm back with the 2nd wip of the drawing. i have been deciding to call it Memories so Real or Memories so Vivid - crazy how i crack my brains over this kind of stuff... lol... so i think i prefer the 1st choice title as it is simpler to understand and the title gives more attention to the drawing instead of the title itself.

i have already drawn her left eye almost finish - i just have the brow and lining of eye adjustments to complete. as you can see, i've extended the hairline of the upper ringe upwards to make it seem more normal. i've started adding subtle shades as a base to build up on the background. the drawing currently shows abit like a half-photo ( poppin out ) and half mirror concept ( more of a photo frame thats shaped like a mirror ). i will next shade up all the hair which is probably the simplest job for this drawingas not much intricate details is needed there. then i will shade her face to make it more realistic with light tones then i'll complete her mouth - that i've explained will be shown on the next update

maybe the next update or the update after the next one, i will show the full view of the drawing. its not as heavy a concept as my Anointment drawing as i wanted a simple concept this time. '

heres WIP 2:

i have to do my assignments soon. if not i'll be dead by tml! so thats all for now.

2008-05-02T20:20:00.002+08:00

hihi i'm back to blog a fast one. i'm just here to post an update of my kinda completed drawing. i've copy and pasted what i wrotwe about the drawing from ZZ art forums.

Hi everyone, i have not been on here too much lately but finally i'm able to post the 'completed version of the Anointment drawing its not officially completed, but thats almost about it since there will not be too many changes left. before i post thie scanned update here and at DA, i will give a scan of this drawing at sch this coming tuesday.

so 1stly, let me describe my views about this drawing and its meaning.
i was talking to an artist friend of mine Lorah ( some of you may know her as Silentportrait on DA ) on windows messenger and she sent me some of her photos for me to choose which to draw. then i saw one that caught my eyes. i just saw her peaceful expression and i thought of half the concept of the drawing already.

i was stuck a point when i was wrecking my brains about the other half of the concept which is on the other half ( viewer's right half ) of the drawing. i was singing some praise songs in my room and sang the lyrics ,' you are my freedom, Jesus you're the reason........', and i received the concept like an almost immediate revelation for the concept of the drawing.

The technical stuff
i used a reference for the face in the drawing as well as the flowers. the hand (which isn't that well drawn ) i used my hand as a reference. i will fill in some shades more at the upper finger. the rest of the drawing i've done without reference.

the most rendered part of the drawing is the character's hair and face. the other areas of the drawing, the technics are just about a mess, but it did not destroy my aim for this drawing. i changed her hair from the reference making it longer with slight curls, i think it gives the character, the emotion some flow of feel. i am pretty happy at how the cage and its concept turned out. i took a long long time to figure on drawing the clouds and i love drawing the light.

i apologize that the dove can hardly be seen... i will think of ways to improve on it before the final scan.

The !st half concept explaination
the drawing has a religious meaning to it. i believe there is a God and He is the way to eternal happiness. The girl in the drawing is a person accepting God into her life thus at the same time is receiving salvation from God. God then gives her anointing throughout her journey of salvation to give her a direction in life, to bless her in all things she does. the hand above her head signifies God's blessings and empowerment and the the gas-like aura flows down likw river flowing like how i've always thought how the spirit of God flows. the flowers are drawn from starglazer ( or glacier i forgot ) lilies. star means light and light signifies life. i wanted this drawing to have peace as its primary expression. peace is an improtant factor to balance out the other side of our busy, and at times chaotic lives.

The other half of the concept explaination
i drew the trees to represent people on earth portrayed here as dead trees. the wooden cage is a more straightforward form of the dead trees. the cage has vines all over it, its means that people's life is held like a vice by satan. satan tir us down with his lies and temptations. the vines represents constraint.

when the girl ( used as an example of a person receiving salvation ), accepts God as her rightful Saviour and God, the glory of God shines upon the demons, spirits, satan and bondages in her life. satan and the spirits of temptation and bondages flee with fear of God's holiness and power.

the dove represents the girl that escaped from satan's wrath and goes back to God. its represents freedom and happiness.

here goes nothing :P...

The Saviour saves, He keeps our lives in bliss, protects us from evil

i dedicate this to Jesus whom i believe in and also fellow artist Lorah.
( drawing is very blurred as it is taken with a 2 mega pixel camera phone )

hope you guys like it and i do need some critques, thanks
__________________

i'll update it with scanned and really completed version on tuesday :) whew my fastest blog update! :D

2008-04-28T21:57:00.013+08:00

i'm back again to blog :). sch was alright today eventhough we basically do nothnig ( hardly ) related to studying.... well at least i got a new cd! today after lunch qiang ge, daryl and i went to gamophone. qiang ge bought alicia key's album while i got my kat deluna cd :D the cd title is called '9lives'. cool huh like a cat. i love her songs like 'Whine up', ' Run the show' and ' Love me, leave me' etc. i esp love the spanish version of the songs 'Whine up' and 'Run the show'. spanish is hawt ok! the way she sings it is really enticing to my ears haha. she has a fantastic voice. this is a picture of the other version of album cover.

last week i think maybe fri or something went out to lunch with them again and i spotted a lil flying lizard when i walked past the stone thingy outside the singapore art museum. got a shock lol

then we went back and take a look at it and later it suddenly jumped onto my shirt. its kinda cute though the lizard :D . then daryl went to catch it. here are some friendly shots with him and the lil flying lizard. haha

this are 2 photos taken of s25 for Kenny's departure.

this is a photo taken in the morning one of the past few days. i love skys like this. just wonderful.

and this rather candid photo of qiang. LOL i call this 'Forsaken'. haha its just some kind of random photo la, but i like how the light shines and the 'pose of his hands. it creates something, almost like meaningful huh? haha.

and this photo i took around the week before. see... this is how some fellow singaporeans reserve seats... i find it amusing about the method, pretty absurd even though not as bad as tissue papers :D

i think the last picture i'm posting is a photo i took just yesterday. after service in CHC, i went with my cell to expo hall 6 or 5, i've forgotten... but anyway, i saw triplets, they're adorable and pushing the doors. cute leh haha.

hmmm thats all i think for the pictures... quite alot compared to my other posts. now i think i'll talk about whats been on my mind lately.
i feel that i'm a very hard-headed person. i don't take comments easily and i think i am easily offensive without me myself knowing how much i hurt others. i have to change. through time i believe as long as i try God will give me the strength through the journey of change.
i want to have a better character, a person with good values. i have to cut down on random 'durty' jokes i talk from time to time. i'm positive that i will be able to change. through ministry and cell group and daily quiet time, i know He will widen my capacity to do things. i believe the more i seek answers in Him the stronger my spirit will be, the easier i can withstand troubles and other people's negativity and childish attitudes ( o man i know i am quite chilish at times :D ).
Jesus is my answer to everything. he is the reason why i live. He is the treasure that i seek. i'm really happy to have known Him.

i've been praying to receive the gift of tongues for the past week. i believe God spoke through bible verses over quiet time and sermon to me about tongues and having faith in Him.then yesterday during service pastor Kongpreached about prayer and the importance of speaking in tongues. then later he prayed for all in the hall to receive tongues. i felt God's pressence during the season. His pressence is amazing. i started speaking in tongues and i believe it isn't false and i'm not that doubtful about it - i spoke it more fluently than when i tried at home in the past. i had to break through fear barriers to start praying in tongues yesterday. was an amazing experience.

hmmmm God is an amazing God. i'm currently serving in usher ministry and i think it is an enjoyable ministry, one that can stretch my capacity. there were 2 weeks of internal ushering that i dozed off during service. i was really tired as i have a habit of sleeping around 3 hours the day before ( thats too little sleep for me ). then it came to last saturday it was already 12plus then i wanted to do my quiet time. but i talked to wilson over the phone instead and i did my quiet time later. i slept at around 1plus. before i slept, i prayed to God for tml's ushering and i prayer that he will provide me with the energy to serve Him so that i will not be tired and will gladly receive the msg the next day at service. amazingly enough, even though i lacked the sleep i was very much awake the whole time in church. i was able to carry out my usher duty quite alright. throughout the whole service i know that God was beside me helping me along. i am so thankful to Him lots. i was happy also that i did not doze off like how i would everytime i lacked sleep. He is the God of miracles. i will keep my trust in Him.

thats all i'm blogging for today gtg do my own stuff. :)

2008-04-23T20:01:00.004+08:00

hmmm these few days were alright. currently i'm happy that my drawing is turning out well and i am finally drawing the cage already! i drew it halfway out faster than expected and i hope to complete it by next week :) i'll then be able to explain my views about the drawing and the reason why i drew it and its meaning, i'm pretty excited about that.

today i bought an album Spirit from Leona lewis. she is a fantastic singer, really. i have not listened to the cd but i know afew of her songs from it. and i love bleeding love, a very arty song, with arty farty lyrics i mean deep lyrics. and i love the other song called 'Better in Time'. really beautiful song.... its hard for such a song to come by. a picture i found online of how the album looks like

i have always wanted my art to gain more publicity even though my drawings are not alot as yet, i'm lazy! still for a start i created this website of mind like last year. its kinda a free website. i don't know how to make a website from scratch lol well but at least signing and making a simple website online is my simple way out and its a great way to 'showcase' one's work, like an online portfolio. at the website i stated what art is to me. God is an artistic person and i think without art in this world, everything will be so boring! art is like every physical thing ( or music etc ). i believe my purpose is to make art and use it to glorify my God, Jesus. i'm really thankful for being given with the ability to really draw and convey what my mind things and my yearning to express myself.
here is my website link: http://www.freewebs.com/boyusflare/index.htm

these few days, i've heard people commenting about a friend of mine. people discriminate so easily, and i know i'm abit like that but its actually very much cleared up in my case. but for the people in my sch, they're nice people but i HATE their partial attitudes towards things. their way of thinking is only of low level, i'm not trying to bring myself up for that comment. i just feel irritated when they make discriminating comments and make fun of people.

some of them who are actually christians when they know they aren't supposed to speak of foul language they still do. that way i see them as hypocrites. why call yourself christians when you yourselves don't change? i don't hate them, just part of their attitudes. maybe i am too complacent. there isn't perfection in this world i just hope God will help me, guide me along to build up my capacity to tolerate gibberish and behaviour from others. i really hope that people around will want to change for the better. many whom i know are just blinded by the beauty of sin, many different kind of pervertedness ( if this word exists ). i'm sad at that.

for the ignorant person who tagged at my blog, thats how i see him as i've described the people in the previous paragraph. low-life people who needs time to change. they are the only ones who can change themselves, if they refuse, they'll just head for hella hell. in the past those type of comments i get from those nobodies - for example when i was sec 2, one of my volleyball seniors said i look like a vampire- would hurt me alot but right now these have not much or no effect on me anymore. its just at times people with their naive comments try to put others down, its better to live life to the fullest to disappoint them and their negative comments. fun isn't fun when such insults are thrown to the other party. its sad, but i'm glad to say that i won't dwell in those things. i know the tag was for fun, but it just sucks.

i'm so happy to be able to know my cell group S25, they've thought me lots of things, i am abit more opened compared to last time already. i'm thankful to the friends there who helped me to know more about God and character building. thank you God for sending those people for my improvement. i hope i will be able to do the same to help others improve next time when i've got the chance to.

i'm thankful to God for His grace and mercy and His love. people say God is love ( i'm nt sure if the bible says that ) and i believe that. i hope to show love to others God has given me and learn less to discriminate people. thats all i'm blogging for today :)

2008-04-12T09:45:00.018+08:00

i'm back to blog again. Life has been interesting.. quite, these 2 weeks :) i've just been lazy to blog.i'll start from about 2weeks ago on friday, whent i was on board bus 51 back home after school. when the bus was passing aljunid/eunos road, the roads were, for Singapore standards, terribly flooded! the water was almost knee-neight. there were bus-stops that were like flooded and the people waiting for buses have to wait outside, behind the bus-stop for buses. the bus driver even asked in mandarin,' hey, do you all want to stop at the next stop?', coz the bus-stop was really flooded then the passengers could not alight without getting their cloths.. erm... flooded? lol i mean drenched in a flooded manner.. eh i just sound weird today, but any anyhow, here are 2 photos i've taken when i was inside the bus.

see and this pic, the water flooded till the treee, looks kinda cool in singapore :D

then after last week's cell meeting, we were walking towards Somerset MRT, was raining. then while walking, Xing Ni cell member S25, she demanded for my phone and she recorded her singing. it was amazing! chipmunk version without even a need to edit her voice! now i've even used the recording as my text message alert haha. but i will not post it here, for some 'privacy's' sake ha. :P

and this is a picture of fany and ming jie when qiang ge, biao ge and the rest were out for lunch during break from lessons :)

then i think this wednesday, it was Xing Ni's birthday! the cell members went to a hong kong cafe at marina square. i ate this... BBQ-ed eel ramen. tasted exactly like samon! hmmm ......

then see if u're happy and u noe it, cut and replace your head... if u're happy and u know it, cut and replace my head!

actually there were two sculptures, one with a head and one without. i just put my head on the other that doesn't have a head :D

lastly, we played a game and the birthday girl, Xing Ni lost! :D she had to eat the piece of birthday cake that is soaked in ketchup and spagetti sauce haha.

a 'Causual' shot i took of my sister while she was eating her lamb meat or wadeva that is :D that day i went out with her to shop for my jacket.

the close-up on food.

heres the jacket i finally bought. it isn't like really nice, but i love the font on it saying miracle of your eye. thats cool. i bought if for 16.90 as it was under around 50% dicount at ang mo kio, i forgot the shop's name.

finally, this is the book that i bought just yesterday, $29.90. just by the title you'll know what it is about. lots of artworks inside, very interesting and i can widen my knowledge on people's perception on certain pieces and know more about different famous piece in history. weird thing is i find that in year 1900s onwards, the arts have been uglier and uglier and less like good art until 2000s, almost rubbish. some of the pieces in 2000s just got a huge font, ART and thats all... and OPPS on another art work. anyone can paint of draw that out sia, so i'm like ?????? when i 1st saw those in the book.

now i'll have to get ready to go cell group 'soon' :) this is all i'll blog for today :)

2008-04-02T15:39:00.008+08:00

back again. these few days are quite busy. i ushered last sunday. was almost terrible at one point. initially i thought i was going to serve internal ushering ( which is really cool! ) then when i reached, the ushers told me my group is doing traffic ushering... then i wore a long sleeve shirt dark brown somemore to do ushering in the hot sun.. haha how foolish i am... i should have confirmed with the usher if i was doing internal or external that day!

than around 2days ago, guess what?? i bought christina aguilera's back to basics live and down under DVD! wow i tell you she is the most down to earth artist/artiste i've ever came across. through her inspirational songs to fun upbeat styled vocals, she is the most versatile singer ( most creative i've yet to come across ). many people stereotype her as slutty and bitchy when she is actually ossing with self-confidence and assurance. shes a great inspiration. i thank God for creating such a fantastic singer/artist.. she had the highest grossing singer/performer concert tickets sold out. i can see she will reach the ranks of madonna and mariah ( she is like a combination of both! ). i can never stop typing on how an icon she is.

here is the album a pic i've taken.

heres a close-up ( how cool she looks!

yesterday i visited my grandparents with my sis and mum and we went home later than expected. it was quite tiring, but still had my quiet time. i've been living day by day with quiet time as a daily acitivty. i know it'll soon be a habit. i'm glad i feel closer to Him more and more already.

today, in class good gang member friend, Qiang Ge... was sooo naughty and mature. he drew my hand with his pen today and i caught it on my camera phone! :D so much for maturity huh wei qiang! :D

and this a huilty shot of him O.o

heres a teeny weeny update of my Anointment drawing. not much changes but i can assure it'll look quite very different when its completed :)

talking about drawings... i started out one of my 1st ( probably my 1st ) serious referenced portrait drawing, the model is christina aguilera. this was done in around 8 hrs if i'm not wrong. it looks weird weird de but i still like it :)

then i webnt on to draw from jessica alba sincity reference picture for practice.
i pushed my bounderies further with this one though there are flaws and all, it was a good experience.

i've been thinking today, i think i should really concentrate on developing my art style and self-imagined drawings. i need to keep improving on my creativity. i used to be a creative kid in the past, but i know i have to push more bounderies to try new things to grow in art. i need to grow in mind, the way i think. i really hope to mix great artistic friends in the future. i'll have to wait for almost 10yrs for myself to start on my dream - to draw for living. i really hate studying and army etc. it takes up so much time. i really want my country to emphasize more on careers in art. singapore is an art-dry place as commented by my uncle. he told me he went to vietnam and sees art as a rich culture over there. i hope singapore will use art to make this country a more interesting place. i feel that this country is generally quite boring! sry for me being so complacent here but thats just the way i feel.

ha i think i'll just end here :)

2008-03-26T17:00:00.003+08:00

having a flu and cough for the past 4 days. now its almost back to normal - getting better :). just now had bible study with evelyn, she was very kind. like very commonly i see her bless people with things food, bible etc... then i learnt about daily prayer today. prayer is an important activity to communicate with God. i'm determined to grow in my christian faith and have a closer relationship with God :)

i feel a lil bad by skipping the service duty for ushering during easter. the easter drama was great! very funny at many parts of the play. the actors were rather professional as well, and i'm thankful for the event that the church and its people can reach out people who don't know Christ.

i remember, if i'm not wrong, last friday i was in the bus feeling really tired after a long day at sch. i went into double decker bus 51 and got an empty seat. then i took a nap.. after awhile a slightly plump man in his mid-30s ( looked like it ) sat beside me. i think he was like hell more exhausted than me??? coz when i was resting he was also taking a nap. slowly he lean closer and closer to my side until he was as though fallen asleep. the worse thing is he was lying on me as his side support and was very heavy! after a few moments he awoke. then this process continued like almost 20 times!! was super irritating la, but still i think its not totally his fault. i just feel a little weird how he can be awake and be asleep the next moment.. was an uncomfortable and tiring situation then.

hmm today i just got my ez-link card. the pic was like.. ---___---!!!! dunno how come my expression like hei she huey ( gangster ) and looked like wanna beat up a person that kinda expression. heres a super blurr photo of the ezlink picture just for laughs :D 1st time see angry face in ez-link card :D

the photographer i good, its just my face.. my face ruin the ezlink card :D

now going onto the topic----> DRAWING
i love art and drawing. i really hope one day with patience and determination i can achieve a breakthrough in art. i need to grow in faith that through God's grace and strength i will be able to pull through life with art. drawing right now is my utmost passion. i hope i can achieve great heights starting from deviant art once i become more productive in completing my works.... ( i've got only 3 completed drawings that i take a good amount of fancy in, which is too little for an artist ). i need to kick out the laziness in me and bring the old me back. i was still very delighted to draw before Olvls and after my Os, i've been drawing so lil... till then i have not completed any drawings yet! i hope i will complete my current soon though.

life is so wonderful, with age and knowledge through time and experiences, i know i will be able to appreciate life much more. in life man are making their own assumptions, so many things that we do are so harmful and sinful that we direct our attention to the negative nature of life. so to think, i'm very glad to be in the right church, cell group and knowing the right people.

i've heard from pastor and eyelyn in bible study that life is not a bed of roses. this applies alot more for us christians. we are often ridiculed, mocked and laughed at for what we believe in. but it'll be far more fruitful in knowing God. i've learn't that God is my pillar of strength, hope and guidance. i'll have to start having regular daily quiet time already.

thats all for today's blogging :)

2008-03-19T19:55:00.006+08:00

Finally blogging again. i haven't complete the drawing yet so no updates for now :(. i will be kinda busy this week, have to serve usher for 4 services i think. will be tiring! i fasted for 3 days le. last week wed and fri i fasted. then today is my 3rd day. i was super hungry. on my 1st day of fasting, at 6pm ( the time the fasting ends ), i was already waiting at the table waiting to eat the food i laid there :D. then when it hit 6, i chiong a! eat and eat haha. i hope through fasting, more ppl will be able to come, God will make a way for me to reach out to more people for this easter.

so far sch's been quite good. met some nice people, interesting people and crazy people! lol... well i got to know another aaron... which looks like a lil kid haha, but quite intelligent in maths. then there is the girl, pearlyn who keeps calling me tiffany... lol well but overall i think its a fun class ba. i thank God for it :)

today, i met up with Gwyn to catch up on each other's going-ons. got quite amusing things to talk today ba, and i just hope he will be able to come to the easter celebration :)

here is a cute photo and a cool photo i took from the geographic mag.

the bear is so cute, i wonder if its digital or real life de??

this is a cool photo that i think i can manipulate to draw it in a very very cool concept! lovely...

2008-03-08T00:36:00.002+08:00

hmmmm just heard from my sis that people are ?ridiculing?? me in another class? calling me mr tiffany and then laugh?? LOL DON'T call me Mr Tiffany... call me Tiffany can already idiots. so lame sia, i am also not her bf, humans in this generation have no compassion, although sometimes i can be impatient with her but many just put her down, discriminate her. mindless people, senseless, deviod of feelings and filled with pride. useless beings even christians who gossiped and laughed. i can't believe i'm living in a country, or maybe just the school with such ignorant, childish freaks.

laughing and playing like in secondary schools. PLZ LAH at least show more than just narrow-mindedness PUURLEASE! whats wrong with being a friend of another? why the looking down on a person by just judging a book by its cover? whats wrong with mixing with people that they don't usually get to?

wow... a blog is so good to let all these frustrating feelings out. i yearn to meet intelligent people. maybe i'm a freak who desires to speak with another of the same 'art-headed' mindset. mainly, i view many people around my age having the perspective of life as bleak, bland, filled with stupidity and fooled around more than i do. i can't stand the foolishness or irritants roaming in school and the attention seekers. i'm only referring to certain idiots in my sch and some who are not idiots at all. i believe there are people who possess the least bit of maturity to know what i'm thinking, what are my intentions towards doing certain things. i have to say alot of kids in sch i see are cowards more than me.

done.

2008-03-07T21:41:00.002+08:00

its been awhile since i last blogged. now i'm studying in CHEC: City Harvest Education Centre. its a private sch. i'm currently retaking my Os, schs been fun made quite afew fun people :).

i've just completed my usher training last weekso i'll be resting 1 week and i'll start my official serving. i hope i will not get too much scolding ( i must do a good job and learn how to be a good usher! ).

These few days went well, and my art block is already very much removed! so heres an update! ( final update of this drawing and the following words i copied and paste what i typed in the art forum )

yo fellow artists i'm back with the final wip of this drawing. i just sketched out the other half of the concept of this drawing with the dead trees, cage and outline of the dove. these are at really sort of rought sketch stage, i will add details and contrast and build on more shadings to them on the final drawing. i'll continue with the hand as i've not touch that part of the drawing that much yet and also gonna shade up the area of the smaller flowers and shape the fire lining of the drawing.
i will tell more about this drawing after i've completed it. :P

Taken with my mobile phone.

2008-02-23T22:37:00.006+08:00

today i'm feeling not good ( emotionally ). i was late for cell group blah blah blah, but later went for the saturday service and the guest speaker was gave a really good message about fear. i'm facing things in my life that are hard for me to cope at this point, but i know only God can give me peace. i'm not satisfied with certain things that happened today but i know its hugely my fault and i needed to learn something out of it. haiz, i'm too hard-headed and need to change, i need to be my past self again. i was always striving to think alot about stuff in the past but nowadays even though i do still do that, i don't make an effort to think properly too much to verbalise and put my view across properly. i'm becoming a brain-dead person, yep brain-dead, not exaggerating.

i'm having trouble in paying my sch fees, such that if i don't pay a certain amount, i will not be able to start sch. God will pull me through it all, and i know it. this is just one of the many tiny 'hardships' God has put me through so i can grow as a person, even though i don't enjoy it, but still i thank God for it.

i'll stop ranting about negative stuff and go on to some fun stuff! here are some pictures taken that time when my sis and i did some 'facial' using orange. LOL i know it sounds, actually not just sounds crazy but is literally crazy! hmm well NPNT right? here are the pics :D :D

ewww what a mess!

the peace sign is the most convenient sign to look... erm.. stupid

the humans' obsession with oranges... hmmm

lol stupid pics, well here is an update on my drawing. i extract these words from my art forum page.
i've added the flower. fellow artist Lorah ( the model ) suggested lilies for the flowers i remember quite a long while ago when we last talked over messenger. i got some pictures of the stargazer ( forgot how to spell ) lilies and i realized that lilies in a way or another would very well represent life. the species of the flower has the word star ( light, symbolism pointing back at life, hope ). all the flowers i drew are quite 'rough' shaded not 100% satisfied with the details in real life.

the contrast isn't that good as shown here, i plan to add more darks to this drawing. this side of the drawing shown here is still not done ( left around 25-30% of work. the hand i used my hand as reference but i will build the shadings up more. i've already lightly sketched and shaded the other half of the paper ( not shown here ), the concept i will fully reveal probably in my last update or next update.

taken with my handphone.

thats all i guess, tml still got to wake up early for usher training!

2008-02-13T16:24:00.006+08:00

yesterday had tution, although i did not really complete my homework, but at least i did learn to get used to some of orking in chem. I thank God for giving me more motivation in drawing. i have strangely been feeling more confidence in my drawing, but at the same time, strangely the confidence level goes down. its really hard to explain the feeling itself.

hmmm then for today, i plan to do some homework, draw!, read the book Purpose Driven Life. i believe as i read more and consistently of it everyday, i will be a very motivated person ( i can feel that i'm getting there ), or even a better person after reading the book. i woke up today feeling lazy, not feeling too good ( as usual ), but i remembered what i read in Purpose Driven Life, immediately i became more positive of the new day. God works wonders in every aspect of our daily lives.

i also want to thank God for the belessing my family received including money other than hong bao money during CNY.

i'm so gonna get Christina Aguilera's dvd back to basics and down under. she is a fab performer with so much more stage pressence than fellow superstars beyonce so on..

haiz feeling a tad sian when i think of going for interview for private sch on friday...i hope it all goes well. hmm here are some photos to share at around CNY Eve.

i went for a haircut around 1 day before CNY ey
e and saw this fish at the salon keep trying to attack me! lol...

went out with mum and sis to cold storage to shop for food. i realized my sis has a weird habit!!

afterwhich went to mac and all the JUNK food!!! sinful indeed huh

last of all, the end of the day, some shark's fin... ymmmmy...

ha thats all i guess, not gonna post the cute nephew pics my sis took >:D

2008-02-10T23:27:00.000+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year! its never too late to wish as CNY extends for 15days.. LOL
i have photos to share, but maybe on my next post. rather lazy to post them now. but heres an update of my drawing.

i'm back again. back from my loooooooooooooooooong drawing block. there was a period where i hardly drew anything and getting confused on my lastest drawing. frustrated that i did not really visit the site often ( i can't stand to see people being so productive at art while i was just.. stuck ). then just yesterday or 2 days ago, i just gave the drawing a shot.

i darkened her hair and certain details here and there. i changed her facial proportions to make her look more like the reference. i drew out some flowers and still gonna shade then up properply and give them abit of detailing.. i will also make the 'cloud-like' thing flowing down her hair more detailing to give the drawing a softer feeling to it. i created the hair ( very much different from the reference ) and also its details. right now her smile is quite stiff and i will reshade it later.

the drawing is blurr as it is not scanned. the bottom right bunch of hair is not overally as dark as shown here. hope its alright so far. =)

2008-02-06T01:50:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling really irritated now... people who use blunt excuses... people who hardly know anything... people who use things for excuse of not to build up knowledge... irritating... really IRRITATING!!! freak U. when i'm telling the correct facts then you claim that another person is right ( you did not say they are right but the way you talk about it proves it... ). then later when i'm starting to prove you wrong then you start to divert what you've said previously to another thing to make yourself sound right. reasoning with u is like ???huh??? coz nothing will get into ur head! arguing with you is another thing, which then you will think talking loud and fast ( actually shouting fast ) at me make your opinion stand out more huh??? i can't even hear a single freaggin word from ya mouth la. thats all..... -------------_______________---------------llllllllllllllllllllllll

2008-02-04T20:44:00.000+08:00

Today was a rough day. but 1stly i'll like to talk about my O'lvl results. i won't say how much i got, just only i will have to retake another year even though i'm still not die die go ite ( not tt ite is bad ). i'm starting on this year and i hop it will end good and i hope i will be satisfied with my Os results next year when i receive it :).

i worked at botanic gardens last week i think and i took afew pictures.

this is the greenery there ( these are bamboo plants i think )

then the next time i work at botanic gardens, it was raining on and off. i went to a nearby shelter wheneva it rained. lots of pigeons flew in to seek shelter too. here are some photos :)

more pictures for fun.. my baby pics. one crying the other.. erm.. just look like a baby chimp :l....

and a last one a teaser.. MEOW!!!!!!!!

ok now for today, it started rough. there was a quarrel at home. but later, it just got worse and worse ( not the quarrel just the aftermath got worse ). today i saw someone's worse day of that person's life... even though things seems alright on the outside, but on the inner, things aren't, i know. but i will pray to God again about today's morning incident. God will guide my way and i trust in Him.

then i went to wilson's house after then i went with tiff to go CHEC for the interview appointment but couldn't get to the interview as i and tiff did not bring our result reports today ( report book ). then we'll be making appointment another day :) then later i went again to wilson's house but i waited for him downstairs as i thought he was not home yet -.-' then when i was waiting, half of the time trying to rest and nap :D an old man talked to me and asked me to read the eng on the piece of paper. then i told him in chinese wad it meant ( was some sort of warning for breaking road rules :O ). then later he asked me whether i'm from China O.o O.o LOL i'm like huh??? then i said no.. then he ask if my chinese is very good then i said no.. how de freak can my chinese be good when dropped chinese and took chinese B haha. weird question sia.

then i watched a movie at wilson's com, romantic film i think was quite ok ba then later i went home and now typing on the com ^^ so long never blog ler so here i am blogging :) :)

now my plans for the few days.. is to draw and draw. i am having my drawing block, i have to get rid of my laziness!!!!!!!! haha i think this is all for now.

2008-01-23T21:14:00.000+08:00

todae was my 1st day of work. this job is recommended from wilson's frens.. then thus wilson intro me to it lolx.. the job is very VERY SLACK! can't say much but most of the time i was only talking to the guy whom i was working with for tt shift ( there was nothing else to do but talk lol ).

the 1st paragraph i typed yesterdae then i continue this post todae. today is my results day. i feel stressed, down, depressed of the outcome. whatever the results, i know God will pull something good out of it. thanks to the kind ppl who prayed for me too, God bless ya'all!

i need to get a pair of shoes.. lol i wore sch shoes to work ( see how bad it is ). then i need to get a pair of jeans ( no jeans now, i totally don't dig it.. just need it as a kind of essential :( ). then maybe today might go out shopping with my sis? but i'm afraid of the bus-fare. now after sec sch is adult transport fee ler. haiyo..

2008-01-16T17:24:00.000+08:00

today i feel frustrated, like i wasted on something i shouldn't... i feel mentally worn out.. i feel that i have full of angst within me... i will pray for God to lead my way.

Life is a long journey. i'm gonna state my goals for this year and my life.

Goals This Year
1. get good results for O'lvls
2. get to know God better
3. be a better Christian
4. get rid of my unpleasant attitude
5. be more patient
6. needa train fitness ( get healthy! )
7. get my art noticed
8. communicate with people effectively ( need help for this.. )
9. get rid of the spirit of laziness within me
10.be a better friend
11.be a better son
12.be a better sibling
13.be a better student
14.get a job
15.try new sports
16.trust in God more and more

My Life Goals
1. have my art internationally reknown ( thats when i improve my art a great deal )
2. bring many people to Christ, influence people through my art.
3. win art competitions
4. do missionary work
5. visit countires like Holland, Paris etc..
6. live a great life for God, fufil God's vision for me.

these are all for now, i hope life will be better. i have to work towards my goals!!

2008-01-16T01:51:00.000+08:00

back again typing late ( early into the morning )...

i just need something to get this irritating, frustrating feeling out.
hate it when people leave you out for some info. hate to elaborate here... shet.
now i know how a friend felt when that happened to him. freak it.

i know that i must bear with the frustration, i know God put me through this seemingly small little negative thing for a reason. to build me, my character up, maybe, yes most probably...

i want to live everyday as a good person, i will try to be less selfish ( not that i say i am but just in case i am ). i hope people around can do the same, i hope there are no miscommunications. i hate when i see naive people despite their age being the same as mine... i know all these i experience all accomodates to the betterment of me.

Thank you God for giving me the things i want, like the ability for drawing. and also thank you God for giving me the things i don't ( that i don't want to elaborate ).

people don't tell me what to do when you are selfish. its like for a sec, a minute or an hour i see you as a brat. i don't want to talk anymore... verbally... help me by stopping it..

i think my next post will be on my post. sry 4 tis, i had to get all my thoughts, though not straight and direct, out. at least i feel better now den just then...

2008-01-04T17:31:00.000+08:00

1stly, i know its late but still.. HAPPY NEW Year!! it will be a great year, although mine did not start out good at all but it'll be better :). had some family problems at the begining of the year and yesterday controversy with my mother. there are some things which i could not bear any longer.

i'm a lazy person, so my posts are on and off, on and off. weeks, maybe a month ago, watched movie hitman with cell group. then watched i am legend with gabriel those guys. quite some time ago le. i want to watch AVP2 but i'm kinda broke.. soo i'll give that a miss :(...

and i want to get a job! till now still have not gotten one yet, but i have a bad feeling for it, somehow. i've been lazy as ever to draw, so no drawing updates for now.

i like the site, www.facebook.com , its more interactive than friendstaer and myspace. with nice applications :) i like playing heroes on facebook and slayers and other creatures the thingy.

here are some pictures to share.
a cold korean noodle dish that is almost distasteful to eat! i almost choked on the noodle coz its very plain and very very very hard to chew. like chewing on very very soft rubberband! LOL

the distasteful kinda look from the noodle bowl.. yuck!

the union/garlic thingy i spat out from the korean food set. yuck!

i muched on the ikan-bilis only from the set after i gave up on the noodles... how pathetic

sharks fin my mother bought! ( = to faster extinction of those sharks i'm sry ).

this sharks fin is not the typical one you eat in restaurants, so i am not really used to this one. but my mum bought the actual one so maybe i'll get to eat on chinese new year! :D

thats all for now :D good day people!

2007-12-28T21:00:00.000+08:00

yesterdae went out with gabriel the group. bowled at 1st and i tried bowling, i mean tried and nt just throw and was okay, just not too good. i am not a very fast leaner for playing new games :D then later we went to catch the movie I Am Legend. was very nice the whole concept. the ending abit sad, but was worth the watch :) is hardly you can find another actor to actor in a movie doing a one-man's show. she i got to give the actor will smith credit for that :D

then today i stayed home all day and i think i'll post the current progress of my drawing. so here goes my ranting...
here is the next stage of the drawing. i've added more contrast and will continue to do so at appropriate parts. i am, compared to the other wips processes for other drawings am very satisfied and confident of how this is coming out. i was quite fearful at 1st when everything seemed to be falling apart, and am unsure if whether the completing of this will put everything together.

i have not done the aura quite well yet, i'll try to make it look like fire aura or something as it still looks quite like candy floss :D i will be drawing a burning flower to her hair on the upper left of the drawing. i need to find a flower ( do some research on ), on the kind of flower that symbolises life. later on i will see if i need to add on more solid shades to her face and still retain the soft, peaceful feeling that might be already evident.

2007-12-26T02:00:00.000+08:00

the christmas service at church last sunday was great. the candles that every member held gave a magnificient view :). it was Jesus's birthday :D then afterwhich there was a mini christmas party at Daryl's house. i was super fatiguw so naturally my mouth will be shut and i will hardly socialise with people :( i needa rid of the bad habit!

then on forgot which day after last sunday, went out with Gab and wee yang to job agency. then later go wif them see them play bowling. i dun like to plae bowling so non for me :)

i am still working on the drawing of Anointment, feeling quite positive although the drawing isn't magnificient yet, i hope it will be in the end. i have to break bounderies with my skills in order to do so and i know God will lend me a hand :)

here are the few photos the white is gab and black is wee yang
wee yang in concentration..

wee yang shoots! and looks...

Gab Concentrates :D

he shoots with.. erm.. style?? mayb...

lol thats all i guess!

2007-12-19T19:46:00.000+08:00

haven't been blogging much these days. On Monday my mother, sis and i went to our grandparents' house. its like ages since we last visited them. i really want to bring my grandparents to know about God. they are good people. who did not make an effort to visit them in the past and they are still treat us so well, i do feel quite guilty. then later that day, i was supposed to go and meet tiff to see the carolling wei en was performing at. but just nice i and my sis coudn't leave too soon thus we coudln't make it in time and in the end tiff had to come all the way from orchard i think to kovan. then we just went to mac. then after that quite late le then we walked her to the bus-stop.

before we met tiff, my sis and i were shopping at Heartland mall. just did some shopping for vlothes. i bought 2 new shirt. they are to my liking, looks presentable and neat :D. i have been lacking of shirt to wear when i go out, so i was quite happy to go out shopping for the clothes. i think i still have to get some more clothes for chinese new year. and pants and belt...

the other day, quite long ago, i went with my sis to watch enchanted, quite funny and nice, altough the ending was ok but overall was good :)

moving on, i am trying to bring people to CHC church this sunday for the christmas celebration. i feel the sense that all the unconfirmed people i invited are nt coming. i will put my trust in God for that and believe i can get my friends to know about God. i still believe in God, that God will make the way even though some people avoid me because of my religon.

i feel down from time to time, i hope God will release me of my negative feelings and uncertainties.

i think i will just end here. so this is the photo when we were waiting tiffan's bus.

2007-12-13T02:16:00.000+08:00

was in church camp for the past 3 days. the camp was good :) i hope God can heal my inability to communicate freely. at most times i also find laziness getting in my way. i just want to get rid of the bad things in my life, be a good/nice person. i am feeling kinda crappy now for somethings but i'm sure God will change all that, i'll put my trust in Him. My only source for inner peace. there will always be obstacles, but i'll just remember to be positive in God, he will lead my way through the odds.

i have to continue on my current drawing i did. i am currently doing the piece i named it Salvation is Here: Anointment. i want to do something for God, a drawing to reach out to more people. let them have a chance to feel God's presence, God's love. i am adamant my purpose in life is to draw for God, as i aspire alot to draw, alot...

and the close-up

i really want to express my thoughts and emotions into this.

i think thats all for now :)

2007-12-07T16:12:00.000+08:00

now at home on com. the past 2 days i have been working on a drawing. i think its about time i draw something about christianity and God. i have 80% of the concept in my head already and i started to look through the reference ( my DA friend's photos ). she sent me 3 photos of her and i decided to use 2 of the photos as a base, i mean a huge base for my drawing.

yesterday just got haircut as it will be less messy later at camp lol. nothing much to talk about that. talking about camp, church camp is coming soon! i think it will be a good opportunitiy to know God better and maybe know my cell group better :) i just hope that i can be more open lol. communication verbally is still my weakness...

too bad wei en can't go to the camp as he said his schedule is packed... hmm and it has been a long time since i wonder how others are doing. some friends i have not contacted in awhile. like wilson, its kinda weird. coz during the studying period before exams we studied kinda together almost everyday if i'm not wrong. hope he's doing fine.

my sister have been thinking that we should visit our grandparents. as they love us but we don't even visit them other than when there are special occasions! we have hardly any communication. they are old already. i really want to bring them to Christ, but i don't know how. i don't want it be too later, like they pass away and they've not received Christ. it happened to my aunt. she died rather young, when she was in a coma. my family visited her during the day and after like an hour later she died. its very sad.

i hope i can reach out to more people in the future using my art. thats for sure!

2007-11-30T18:13:00.000+08:00

have been at home, was too lazy to step out of house! damn lol. by right, i should have met up with cell member chen jian for his guidance in math. i was too slacky, hence i'm still stuck at home.

i have been talking to an overseas from Egypt mate i met in an online art forum. he's really nice person. i sent him a scarlett johansson picture and he drew it and dedicated the drawing to me. for the 1st time did anyone dedicate a drawing to me.
heres the drawing he did :D i do appreciate it.

i talked to another art friend Mike. about some stuff regarding the popular artists in the online world. he told me his opinion and made known to me that some artists are falling short on their expressiveness. he told me the importance of expressing what we want, not the masses.. i will keep that in mind. there is a very popular artist that i am quite a fan of. she is known for the emotional art. Mike told me that she might have lost her expressiveness and style of feel from her past drawings. i agree with him. its like some artist try to evolve in their technical skills but it overlapped their previous expressive basic style that made them unique in the 1st place. i learnt alot from that msn conversation with him. Mike is one of most influencial artist on me.

i'm still doing The Ethereal Vow drawing.. feeling very crappy on that. i almost ruin and had slight thoughts of giving up drawing it and just crush the drawing.. but i must persevere on with it- art is supposed to be a fun thing right? after i'm done with that piece, i will start on a drawing of a fellow deviantart friend Lorah. i intend to do a fantasy drawing out of the few photos she sent me, i'd love to dedicate the completed product to her and God. The concept is mainly about christianity.

and i think i WILL start looking for job next week. i wonder how wei en is overseas now, whether he is enjoying himself, haven't talked with him lately.

2007-11-28T16:40:00.000+08:00

i'm on the computer again today. i received an email today saying that my works are shortlisted in the noise singapore 2007 festival. i was freaggin excited and i thank God for that. the bad part of it is, i wanted to resubmit my works as the drawings i submitted previously are low-quality and there is one drawing i did not submit yet ( the more drawings the better right? ). i later found out that i'm not able to submit anymore drawings! haiz... but still at least my works were shortlisted and i'm grateful for that.

2007-11-28T03:13:00.000+08:00

yesterday was at the computer as usual... watching youtube blah blah. my life is getting boring now! wei en is overseas and he will be back on dec1. i will ask him if he wants to go to CHC just join for service.

there will be a church camp coming up soon from dec9-12, and i don't think i will be going. its weird to me going to camp as i always.. probably can say hate to go camps! plus i have to get a new sleeping bag and prepare lots of other things! haha.

then yesterday 7pm met up with eyelyn at tanjong pasar ( i think i spelt that wrongly ) for bible study. i think it went well and i'm more fearful of God now, which is a good thing. i have my questions that confused me for quite some time answered :) and thanks evelyn for the book!

i have to get a job soon i suppose.. if not i might need to start revising my subjects again.. talking about revising, i think i've got to meet up with a cell member chen jian for his maths as i heard that he is a math pro!

got to go sleep soon :) already feeling very sleepy...

2007-11-26T03:27:00.001+08:00

yesterday i went to CHC service. the pastor preached about trusting in God, and believing in oneself - being useful for Christ. i have an ambition, and the sermon just made e more aware that anything is possible. i feel that going to church, life has been better and made me more optimistic.. which is good! i should probably be sleeping LOL its nearly 4am... so talking about dreams and usefulness, i'll let God use me in whatever he thinks is best for me to do or to be. i really want to, in the near near future, create drawings in total relation about Christ. He just lets me know that there is so much more to life and i am still learning!

well here is an update of how my drawing The Ethereal Vow is coming along. there are still tons of things i need to refine and shade up. no reference used so far :)but i have a STRONG urge to get a reference for hands i am still not good drawing them coz of lack of practice in drawing hands :D this photo is taken with louya 2 mega pixel hp cam, so pardon me for the quality...

here's the drawing :)

2007-11-24T22:46:00.000+08:00

back again blogging... gonna sleep really soon. there are just some things i got to type out... its kind of almost unbearable already.

i don't know why do some people, when they're told they are self-centered and they don't see whats wrong with themselves. and everything we talk its about that person that person only, and that person's interest and thinking... often when we talk, i get 'out-talked' and almost no room to express myself and tell of my experiences... i don't know what why, but it is really irritating when the conversation is always on that one person's likes. when i speak of my interests or add my own humor into the conversation, that person don't even give a reply and just continue with the person's likes... its really frustrating! that person will only laugh or give opinion only when i'm talking of the likes and friends of that person. its giving me a headache. i know no one is perfect and everyone has lots of flaws.. but communicating with a quite overly self-centered person is much to my dislike! may all over-the-top self-centered people stop yakking away all your likes and dislikes and learn to have interest for others'.

2007-11-24T19:24:00.001+08:00

today was my 1st time going to CHC cell meeting. before that we were playing pool and was quite alright :) after that, then we headed to daryl the cell group leader's house. the cell meeting was good and all and learnt about one should trust and believe in God in whateva we do. i know it and now i will work hard towards my goal, my aim in life, my purpose of living.

apart from all the posititve things, i realized i have issues... i have low tolerance for things and i am really impatient. and i am a really petty idiotic being but i will try my best to change. unhappy about certain things and feeling at some point my life might be wasted and i want to concentrate now about going to church and to know more about God and his people.

one thing i have been experiencing these days is some pop up ads which are very irritating!!! and sometimes there will be like pamela anderson ( howeva you spell ), with the BIG b***** and its disgusting! and sometimes there will be pop-ups with maybe obscene things, and i'm afraid later if those things pop up at the wrong time and my mother or someone happen to see... lol i'll be embarrassing! :D

ok its time for lunch now.. i mean dinner, and i'm having chicken rice AGAIN..

2007-11-23T14:31:00.000+08:00

today i think i'm staying at home, probably gonna do my drawing later.

just then, i was on my com and viewing christina aguilera's live performance. then my mother came over and told me about the things of christianity that i already knew of. she then pointed at the video and said she is nothing... i have to admit i was rather offended. sometimes when people do not know something and criticize or put off another person just like that. i realized that many people do not know what artists do, how meaningful is the job/hobby.

fine arts artist, composers, and even singers when they use their talent merging with creativity, they are called artist. there is a meaning to their works. i do hope some people can just open their eyes wider to the arts world and don't just put down some art or artist when they know nothing about it....

just the other day, i posted a new drawing at thotpost.com,this is the drawing.

called Seductress by Day and Assasin by Night.
at thotpost, the members commenting and voting of works from other members isn't that much active as yet. i when back and check the other day and found that someone just rate my drawing 2/5... i was really pissed. are the youths of singapore that childish and love to put down other persons' work? that member ( which i have no idea who he/she was ), gave me a rating two and did not even leave a comment to state on the rate. i can almost say its kind of a prank... same goes to my other drawings... from a rating of 5 it dropped to 3.. people just rate your works down without even commenting on why, no constructive critques.. i know my drawings are not perfect but i do not think it needs to be put down or prank(ed) upon like that.

i just hope people will learn to appreciate art more.

2007-11-21T01:02:00.001+08:00

its 1am le... i have been looking and exchanging comments with an anti-christian idiot in STOMP forum. its really irritating how dumb and stubborn and even childish he is. well enough said kn that crappy deviliscious person -.-'

so have been on computer for almost the rest of the day, i wanna go look for job! haiz... so i gonna buy newspaper today.. and search the classifieds..

then later at 6plus i went out of bus and talking to tiffany on the phone.. just before the bus arrived, i realized i forgot to bring my wallet.. so i rushed home and i missed my bus.. when i came back i waited very long for next bus to arrive... and was late for the bible study. evelyn a cell member gave me bible study and went through some good points and i need to refresh my memory as well about somethings... my brain is very rusty already after a looooong time without touching the bible. bible study was fruitful and the $4.50 lychee drink was on evelyn's treat = feeling weird not paying my own drinks haha.

well and i hope wilson can come to CHC and attend the cell group as well, have been trying not to sound forcing as i learnt from the anti-christ case already. i hope to know God better and am going to read the bible more latewards :) thats all for today :) :) :)

2007-11-19T00:04:00.000+08:00

hmm its over 12am now...

yesterday ( sunday ), tiffany brought me to CHC. the service was interesting but only worship part i felt kinda awkward ha. there was a guest speaker who preached and painted during the service and it turned out quite alright :). after which i went, same as lots of other people, to the front to pray and receieve Christ back again. there was something different though. in the past, i could feel like God's presence during service but today i am not too sure though... but still i believe that i'll get closer to God by church.

there are nice people in the church also, and everything was fine eventhough i feel abit weird and clumsy today haha.

finally... Christina Aguilera's concert live DVD is out already! its actually released on 18th Nov. i'm so gonna get her dvd :D :D.

well thats it for today :)

2007-11-08T16:38:00.000+08:00

YIPPIE finally exams are over ^^

even though i'm feeling tired now, but at least i don't feel stress... i don't know why these few days i haven't got the mood to do many things.. it the so-called SIAN mood. i slept only 4hrs plus and now my neck is aching. my eyes are less resistant against the computer screen already - meaning just within short-span of time in looking at the screen my eye hurt and i get all the computer headache and aching problems...

i think i'm going ti Tiffany's cell group next week in City Harvest. just hope i'll go :) then i can receive salvation from God once more and get to kow Him better :) Now so fatigue.. dunno what to say sia... o ya.. and i should start looking for a job soon since i so free now lol.

exams are over, and the load of burden no longer exists in my mind, but there is a kind of weird feeling of numbness in my mind after exams... i wonder what will i be 10yrs down the road, will i get what i want to achieve? or will i ever reach my goals? nomatter what its still essential to carry on living with a positive mindset. i don't know what God has install(not really sure if this is the right word) for me.

thats it for today i guess. :)

2007-11-03T22:17:00.000+08:00

today i woke up like around 7pm? i did not sleep the day before and i slept at around 11am today. i know thats kinda crazy lol.

so i woke up and eat and use com, i did not study the whole day... i'm feeling sians the whole day... no ups no downs... feeling tired, i can't really feel motivated todraw alot as i do still feel guilty to draw! haiz. coz i did not study and partially, i have no mood to draw.

i have no idea how to learn ss in such a short time. monday will be my ss exam le and i did not go through any work or notes... rather fatigue within. nothing much to write about todae but i'll just post a scan of my kind of latest drawing...

its called The Ethereal Vow, not completed so looks rather weird everywhere :D

2007-11-02T13:21:00.000+08:00

back here again, and just changed my blog. i don't really like the emo type of blog... not the depressed kind of person as in the past le :) learn't that in life must be positive nomatter what downs you face, its still part and parcel of life :).

todae was physics. was quite alright ba, but i doubt my physics standard can pull up my chem's marks... so i'll just have to retake next year as well as math. its worth it - and i've learn't my mistakes already. i think it will be better to retake so i can get better score in next year's o' levels. i don't really think going to an art school is a good idea as i've heard we will not have much freedom in what art we like to do, so no art school for now i guess.

here is a favorite drawing of mine called Concealed Nakedness

Poem i wrote to go along with this drawing:
She was a naive being
Always carried the innocent thought
That life was always filled with vibrance and beauty
Positive feelings was all she knew

Then one day darkness and gloom rained on her
Just like how positive and negative always come together
Hurt and pain trickled through her veins
All the fears not worth her tears

Emotional roots tangle and suffocate
She sunk deep into the emotions
Scanning down to the very depth
Where she found a heaven that her beauty truely lies

She danced and swirled in the moods of darkness
Ignoring the childish spirits of others
Even when they grasp every means to taunt and slash at her
Once again the positive in her arises
Enjoying the fruits of Concealed Nakedness
............................................................................................
General Meaning Of The Drawing:
everyone has been hurt by others, including myself. everyday we tend to think and we look at our inner selves. even so, we are self-concious on how people might look at us from the outside like judging a book by its cover.

the significance of the hair represents a problem ( am example of many problems we face daily ), a trouble, a complication thus its tied into a knot. black and white represents good and evil. i believe there is nothin in between good and evil such as half good. it attracts like how positive with negative like magnetic forces. the white hair is generally neater and pure, while the black as you can see is rather disoriented and messier than the white hair, which in this case made the messy black hair disoriented. finally the hair black and white seperates, a problem, a trouble's resolved.

the background represents a lonely gloom, like clouds rotating like a giant whirl of mood she sunk herself into. its how i visualize a surreal form of how we look at ourselves from within.

her pose is in a dancing position. dancing away all her troubles, fears and uncertainties. the hair ends with a slight glow representing understanding in an emotional form. she touches it and understands how to cope with the trouble.
.........................................................................................

Pencils: 2b, 6b
this drawing is done with no reference
done probably around 11hrs

PS: i paste the whole lot of thing regarding the drawing directly.. hope its fine :)
will be blogging later :)

2007-10-23T07:52:00.001+08:00

yesterdae went to school in the afternoon... went to library... and there was the Naughty Marcus... lol he put something on Jia Hui's back... den we kept laughing.. den she was like huh? y u all laughing? lol... veri funny it all i can remember :D

the sticker is supposed to be pasted behind the library chairs... and on it read,' Hi! Please push me in after use. ' lol and marcus put that on his crotch 4 me to take a pic of it XD.

i'm too tired to type alot, pardon me :). But here are the two picture nevetheless :)

there you go... i better eat my 2nd meal for breakfast b4 i slp le... yawns...
3...2...1... *faints from uber tiredness!*

2007-10-21T21:17:00.000+08:00

todae was an experience for me...

my quarrelled with a fcuking bithc again - notice i'm nice enough not to type the colourful language properly?

she has no idea how irritating and childish ( yea not childlike if thats what you're thinking ) she is. can;'t she just imagine her in my shoes? she should just see how she treats me like dirt, shrugs me off the computer like i'm a nobody EVERYTIME.

she is older thna me.. but so what? i am still human and i can say my IQ isn't lower than hers neither than my EQ ( my EQ lvl is onli displayed to people who deserves it ). childish piece of shit ( now its my turn to brush you off huh? ). when i give you a taste of your ass manufactured medicine, you dislike it darn lot. but when you did it on me ( pulling out the line, deleteing the videos i downloaded etc. ), you smirk with delight not knowing how much u irritated me, almost ignoring the pride i am still upholding. but there is one thing i am different from you ( not mentioning physical sense), i am not as fake as you, you're ugly on the outside and within. you're nobody in my eyes, but juz a pile of unholy swine... i mean swine's dung...

she has no idea, nt a slight thought how much she should change. she isn't likeable in actual i must sae. i just realized that todae i have no sister... from the begining tt piece of shit has regarded me a something else. i dare sae 'thing' as she never once treated me with respect... how a worthless crap you are.

after listening to christina aguilera's song, I Will Be, i knew that i have just myself to depend on in life. I can't help to think that i could have depended on her for the smallest things... that crap dung.... i know that after that incident... i'm adamant about never talking to her ever again. yes i MEAN IT.

i felt so all alone in my room.. cried my heart out but theres no one to hear or see. i wanted so badly to shout... i needed space... a needed freedom to scream my worries off... my anger... i needed to get it out of me... but i know i am not allowed in my room... no one to comfort me... unlike that piece of shit having another piece of worthless crap to comfort her... i dun care if they read this entry me calling them BOTH a worthless shit... they truely SUCK to the CORE. why did u come out of the room and stare at me? you think u can shut me up? were u signalling thAt id i should open my mouth again you'll kill me? Venting your anger to bring death upon me? your gaze was so empty, i could juz stare at u all dae thinking that you're just another swine like the bithc.

i know i must carry on my life being strong without anyone beside me comforting me in times of need. i have no friends or parents thAt will stand beside me... i'll not let them kill me from within, ganging up against me.... stripping my pride away? yea still trying? its not gonna work now. i will be strong on my own, leading the life i want... school's not for me... never was.... and last of all, stop pretending that you care shit... never talk to me or communicate with me EVER AGAIN... coz u are not trustable, fickle ASS...

destructing the people that yearn so much to drive me nuts...3..2..1..**

2007-10-19T19:47:00.000+08:00

hihi, back again :)

so yesterdae i went to hab haircut with wilson... and i took a pic of him and his..... erm... love cutting his hair. XD

den later went mac in the morning like 2 plus.... den i took a break from studying den i played with this cat.. LOL and it doesn't like me touching its belly.. haiyo....

hmmm i muz start really studying hard le! Os coming soooo soon!

its me logging out... computer... 3...2...1... self-destruct... *BOOM*!

2007-10-17T09:20:00.000+08:00

hmmmm i think i havent been blogging for 2 months? lol... lots of things i wanna sae but am too tired now. i spent todae morning 3-6am at mac with Wilson & Tiff... 'studying' ...

so i'll just summarise most of the things i did...

1. visiting library almost everydae at one point with wilson

2. going to Geylang chicken area wif Marcus & Wilson

3. staying over at Wilson's place to ransack his room!

4. studying juz few times in starbucks...

5. staying at home crapping and slacking like now....

6. been thinking alot lately about my future... the purpose of my very existence...

7. wanting what i don't VERY badly...

8. meeting with ban beng also at library on few occasions, also with wei en, wilsom, tiff, marcus, jia wen.. mainly nice ppl :) erm and my... sis? LOL

9. thinking about going back to church, wanting to know God and the ppl who love Him

10. growing artistically... rapidly... having huge ambitions...

11. thinking alot about is it too late for better future.. den came THE answer... HELL no!

12. watching movies at Wilson's place... loved American Pie!...

13. getting inspired listening to songs and thinking about doing and loading my portfolio after my Os...

14. fantasizing the end of Os... graceful end!!!

15. skipping sch... missed graduation day!!! argh!

16. being in contact with various close artists online overseas pals : they're fantastic ppl!

17. and now... talking with wei en online...

yep so i gonna post some pictures of the events that took place :)

tt time with Marcus and Wilson plaeing with cats

the pictures i took when i went East Coast with Wilson

a style photo i took of Wilson Yeohzzzz... lol tell me i an a budding photographer!

went to hawker wif Wilsonzzzzz as he needed to help his Uncle tend the shop
Wilson's mum made the rojak... yum yum!

the plum juice... sweet!

currently there are some uploading errors so i can't upload more photos... i'll do it later ba :) well... time for some sleep anyway!

2007-07-12T23:01:00.000+08:00

back today again, todae the chinese oral totally sucked! lol but i'm posistive la nothing bad happen todae onli the zhong kao zhu she told me she angry coz she noe my mum told my form teacher, Miss Tay that zhong kao zhu anyhow say about the things she told me and my mother that day, she sae she angry with my mother haha.

then during oral, i was like blah blah blah, then i stop for few secs then continue 1 word then stop again then i jump over half a sentence. it went on like that and see i most probably get 0 for reading! the conversation, the question was fine, but dunno when i lost for words, then i tried to think how to sae those words i thought in eng, usually wont be a problem but when i think and look at the teachers then look up in the air ( yea that was stupid ), my mind totally blanked out! had a rather dreadful time completing the reading portion then can hear the teacher like going to yawn and sigh of boredom. then later on the conversation finish ler then the teacher asked, ni hao you she me yao bu chong de mah? meaning have you got anything to make up to it? coz the teacher let me have another chance to tell more coz i most probably sucked badly for that, but i said no lol coz i couldn't think of anythin. probably too nervous >.<.

then todae, thurdae, tml is my BD ler. fridae THE 13th! bad luck bad luck! but nbm. i juz got a new bag, but might nt bring to sch tml. i am the kind of person who hates changes like sometimes i think, if i get a new hairstyle, people will think i diaoz as well as a new bag. but its not the case from what i learnt. people don't actually give much damn if you change your hairstyle, get new bag, new shoes, new case, new glasses or if u trip and fall abit. they juz look for 1-2 secs then look away bah. so i think i have to be more positive on that. i have alot to change in terms of my behaviour and how my mind works. my mind is actually reducing slowly to peanut. i nid glasses!!! i can't concentrate properly coz i think 2 eyes lazy ler. i try to concentrate and end up tired and cannot stay long concentrating in class. but thank you ah Abi and help me thank Joel oso :) if u r readin this.

todae heard from sch mate about cases of backstabbing and evil friends. i don't noe y on earth people that evil exists. its depressing and to lose friends. i feel for the things people suffer from these. told lies by people who are not sincere, like what is a world coming to? totally negative people are childish people. they don't think things both ways, they make people depress coz they juz want to pull them in to a state of depression with them. what hypocrites! i will nt tolerate if people are to turn on me that way. but what can i do? can't do alot to prevent, but juz be cautious if these kinda stuff is to befall on me one dae. even so, i hope those people will change for the better of ourselves, our sch, and our country... erm thats the sch pledge... ok sry...

so i'll juz leave it as that, signing offf.....

2007-07-11T21:12:00.000+08:00

SRY long time no post. i've been too lazy to do so.

todae received stupid phone call from zhong kao zhu.... she talk talk talk. i skipped chinese oral olvl... she talk until cannot stop sia. i dun wan to offend any1 then i kind tok little, if nt i alreadi scold her and blast her off liao la.

den she told my mother keep telling her wad i nt pri sch kid her blah blah bullshit. skickening sia! tt teacher ( yea i'm still kind enough to refer to her as that ), one thing she tell me she nt happy about i explain, kindly explain, and there she go again... giving her own lame excuse and sae dun alwaes ex[ect sympathy from others. BULLSHIT LA! i NEVER EVER expected any shit from people lor! i dun give a damn about other people. if you like me then ok, if you don't i don't care. its that easy.

she tok tok tok, tok until my mother ( my mother is the one usually asks the teacher alot of questions and reasoning with them de ), keep quiet and later she sae,' you tok so much i also dunno what you talking about to the teacher'. o shet right nw my father also ask me about that. i better refrain from shouting... he dosen't deserve that from me.

i dun care about the stupid shit teacher ler... tml she still call my mum go down sch sia. SICK LA! go then go la! its so sick now, hate sch hate chinese language! y on earth is there chinese language?! i noe i am chinese, its not that i dun care and hate being a chinese... but i juz hate to befriend chinese language. its not what i want! i dun care if nx time china is going to be coming us as the next 'USA'. i dun care about the chinese market. i juz want to be a normal happy person, making a living from my passion. thats all i want to sae for now. sry i apologize about this horrible blog entry.

and ban beng if u reading, sry i nx time den change the music thingy, nw no mood to do much things so cya!

2007-06-29T03:22:00.001+08:00

haiya i go home today eat then use com for awhile then 4plus i went to bed take nap. then dunno y no one call me wake up take dinner then i slept all the way to 1am. so i slept over 8 hrs..... and now i'm typing this blog waiting later do somethings maybe HW then go sch bah. recently i talked to an artist mate of mine. we exchanged alot of views and i have learn so much of things about art just from him. hes very deep, hes 30 and is a chemist. intellegent la! but i envy him coz seriously, he is a deep-thinking wise fella. many people see my drawing, and they will ask me ,' who is this ar?' alot of times i get irritated by such comments and questions... people think i'm very simple and shallow. they think all i do is portraits ya? and even if i do a self-created non-ref artwork, no meaning ar? lol, so i wish to, in the future mix with people who appreciates art alot. very hard to find art freaks like me in singapore. onli in those schs like nafa or laselle.

seriously typing, i can even put the word hate for doing portraits.... i do not very much enjoy doing portraits! i so much prefer self-created draws where it allows far more creativity. people think i draw art coz i can create pictures that are cool-looking... that was my purpose when i 1st shifted to portrait few yrs ago. i'm not the same person as of last time my dear. actually, everyone see me as a silent person, ok most people. but its just very uncomfortable for me to talk too much about things to the people i don't talk alot to. i seriously need tips to improve my speech. i don't know why i became like the shut-up kind to some people, probably some reason that i suspect that in the past affected me. so, to replace that, i use art as a place to express my thoughts and emotions. its partly a way of letting people know more about me and please unless u see that i'm drawing from a reference photo, don't ask me who i draw.. i don't plan to be stuck at portraits foreva la.

haiz so todae go sch got mass PE, so sianz then but good lor 11 30 dismiss lol. its fun sia i think mr chia forgot about my class to hand up alot of our work to him. so heng la. okay, talk ing about creative drawing... here is one WIP ( work in process ) of Concealed Nakedness. a drawing that i love alot, the meaning its indulges in is not like just most people will say,' o this is good and bad,' there is much more to it. i will post a poem with the completed drawing of this to tell about the meaning somesay :)

and this is the drawing a WIP also of christina aguilera. the ref and the drawing. the drawing is like this blurr coz its taken with not natural lighting as its very suitable for my phone camera conditioning :) it should be clearer and a tad darker.

and last but nt least, a better quality version of my Boa drawing taken under natural light. sunlight of coz.

o and of you guys care to visit, please go to www.atrapado.deviantart.com to see my gallery. :)

2007-06-05T01:13:00.000+08:00

WHEW! so longgggg never blog ler! okies so okies i don't think i did good the my examz and i will brush up my studies in June holis. really, todae i read afew model essays dint do much but i will soon! examz suckz but have to study study study! past few days quite nice and made few nice ppl in Devaint art forums. i hope nx time i can get like few hundred favs a submission haha. or even 1000? i aim to do art which conveys emotions, fantasy, self-imagined 100% and realistic. i will need darker pencils and pratice quite abit more portraits. i realized that my self-proportionating without reference has improved, and i am glad ^^. okies this drawing quite long ago ler is of Boa Kwon i completed.

i like this but i can improve on it on proportions and darkness of the drawing =) so i will nid to get darker pencils in the future.

hmmn and todae, i receive a pm at sgclub forum about a fellow member pm me about doing her a drawing of her and her bf. i think it is a very nice idea. and i just might wanna attempt to do my 1st ever commission! i never did anything like drawing for ppl b4 and getting paid i suppose? for a start i requested for $20 dollars although i have to draw 2 faces ( her bf and her ) in the drawing, although its abit little to charge but i think its okay la since this will be my 1st time if i start on the commisson. but my future commissions i will charge $30 dollars and will increase price if the drawing the shading are more intricate or if there are more than 1 face. i aim to not be a potrait artist but a creative one in the future. there are not many people in Singapore who does proper portraits of people. they do speedy shadings and proportionating making it not very perfect but my drawings are nt perfect too la lol.

the onli different between a speed drawer and a take time artist is a normal timer artist will create a more high quality work and speed drawings will usually look more sketchy. only very few artists attain the skill of very great and awesome speed drawing. so i now waiting for my might-be 'customer'and hope i can create satisfactory work lor. hopefully she send me the pics dun nid be too hard or too dark haha. dun too dark coz my pencils cannot take it. i onli have up to 6b dark pencils and after i complete i am not sure at all how to give her or mayb i will meet up with her or just mail to each other the money and my art piece.

wish me luck! nw so late... hey nt really onli 1.30 am nt too late coz tml get up 7am. although nt enough sleep but wont be like deadlock tired for lit seminar =)

signing offff.....

2007-05-13T00:01:00.000+08:00

these few daes have been EVENTFUL. start with todae. went to mac wif tiff n wei en to study, just yesterdae, tiff sent me an sms in chinese, in the past she sent me sms in chinese, i told her not to send me anymore in the future as i do not want to read. den when i woke up blurry, tired can't see properly, i received an sms from her stating in chinese. i'm like ,' HECK i tot i told her not to send me anymore? plus i'm blurry0eyed when i woke up too lazy to strain eyes to look at those small chinese wordings. den i told her i dint read the sms by sms and expalined to her. den todae, she in mac told wei en about the incident about i cannot even read basic chinese blah blah..... suck la! this oso wan tell, like wan justice bao come izit?? den veri often have argurment with wei en about different point of views, i always face to face dun wan debate alot as i was controlling my anger. i'm the type of person easily blast out de. then when hav argurments, tiff always agree with wei en, see chuan tong wan pull me down right? not that easy FOLKS!

den i go msn she sae she angry with like person who dunno chinese freak on msn, she delibrately tokin bout me. crazy la! todae in mac still can tok go home flame ppl izit? not clever lor. if she is not my fren i will curse and swear ler la.

lastly yeterdae, received a comment in an art forum an artist idiot u go this website see what he sae if u wan drama there u got sure no disappointment de. at the website i'm boyusflare the enemiy is Jake 1234 soemthing de. my artist bud is there to help me too. http://www.dueysdrawings.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=748&start=15
he accused me of tracing my drawings so the proportions look perfect but i dun trace! i freehand he so stupid sia! but not i not tt angry de quite calm, as ppl like him will never change unless you're harsh to him or her.

for people who want to see the completed art and future arts from me go to www.atrapado.deviantart.com to see drawings like Boa Kwon jpop singer and wips and past work which is not very good.

i'll beposting pics of my mother tml i guess its MOTHER'S DAY!!!!

singing offf.............

2007-05-05T23:20:00.000+08:00

i dun blog consistantly ler.... nothin to sae for this few daes. juz drawing a scarlett johansson potrait. she damn chio la veri catty eye make-up she whore. when i showed my sis that pic she did not even know who she was..... still, i have a fetish for eyes, especially sharp and catty ones haha. draw draw draw. i always seem to draw potrait drawing is because i want to develope skills 1st den creativity. don't look down on what i can do.

below is my current wip of scarlett and ref pic.

below is my current update on Boa Kwon a jpop singer still not complete....

nx time den i post other drawings, not much pleasure to see but still improving! sianz nw i think i'll carry on drawing......

drawing offf.....

2007-05-04T00:48:00.000+08:00

ono! ogosh! nw so early, almoz 1 in the morning n todae got ss and maths exam paper. ha, hope i don't do that badly hope papers quite easy..... gosh i havent finish revision still come blog sia.

on mondae, i wei en n tiff stayed back in library to study chem den go back wei enter bus together bus 26. den i alone sit at back coz a group of lower sec occupy the surrounding seats.... veri wad de, their mouth very foul. tok until so disgusting, like they desperate for sex la. gosh and i'm like,' er wad have a done wrong? why am i hearing these kinda thing????' i feel so grossed la obviously. they sae touch this n tt thing n use a word refering to a girl's private part, and sae wad lick this n tt. wah even tok like this i dun care but the tokin about those lickin wadeva is boy tok to girls..... how revolting can those lower sec be? perverted mindsets too many.

den i sit whole time in tt bus face black black lol. hmmn den on labour day, mi wei en n tiff ( again ) go nearby old sch de mac study. we eat n drink alot la, all our stomach very full den wei en was like complaining appendix pain ha! we in mac for mayb 3plus hrs? juz do some ss notes nia n chatting, quite ok la. den when tok i told wei en i colour blind, he go act clever n gib mi expression as though i am lying too obviously..... but i realli partially colourblind wad then i explained to him then he was like o ok.... lol thats a disadvantage of nt being a lit student.

den after eat n drink then walk around for awhile den went home ler . at bus stop, waiting for bus an indian man sitted infront of mi so irritating keep like looking 90 degrees or looking back. den i like looking for bus la den he looked at me tot i lookin at him... -.-' took a pic of him but i dun tink i will post it anyway.... den todae eng paper still ok la but i think i might do badly for the situational writing sia. coz i wrote too little i think never have the time to check both sections of paper 1 oso. haiz. but still cannt lose hope la, examz are just part of the obstacles in life. if fail one time doesn't mean u're bound to fail for the rest of ur life ryte? lolxz

so right nw, i sitting in front of com with my ss book wide open ready for mi to read the last few pages of wad i intend to finish reading. eye a tiny bit tired nw.... haiz looks like the nap i took ealier wasn't that useful...

cannot write more ler ,later no time for studies gtg signing offff!

2007-04-29T19:04:00.000+08:00

hmmn todae no go church. mayb after examz bah and juz bathed come blog juz now cut hair..... now my hair so damn short...... i asked the cut hair aunty to cut short she realli go cut up till >.< ................ diaoz.... den i tink i might nid to get hair spray or mayb ask my sis she has anot. coz tt time i saw hair spray in her room sia dunno izit hers.... haiz i dun wanna go to sch tml to take chinese mid yr examz! i take oso no use sure fail, really.... den i think i dun go for chinese o'lvls den can take chinese b.

i'm thinking.... still thinking of what to blog. o ya, i think my onli obstacle now n later is o'lvls and army. how i wish i am an adult nw or better still a little boy. for little boy, i remember last time i thought my parents could protect me from everything and that nothing could go wrong with them watching over me. i denpended so much on my parents when i was really young. i had so much fun with things like catching butterflies and play-fighting with my cousins and plaein with neighbours.....

n if i'm an adult, i want to get a job related to art and i will improve in drawing and start on painting and if art is my job, i will be realli happy, but still havent think about getting married ( too far sia ). and the next stage of happiness will be when i old age, i will make sure i have enough money to last me and i will enjoy my time till i die. wah.... todae i sound abit freaky lolxz! haiya but its juz my thoughts wad.....

or mayb i think my life would be much happier if i am in china, father is farmer then mi n my siblings and frenz can happily plae everydae in the medows and fields without worries and help out in farming. life will be so free. i think i will be contented in those type of situations... i never had the opportunity to enjoy the beauty of this earth.... my mind's realli shallow. hope i'll be a better person in terms of behaviour and capabilities in the future.

nothing much to sae ler so, signing offff................

2007-04-28T14:37:00.000+08:00

todae actually nothing much... then got this man from dunno wad sports thingy wan gib survey about sports. like i noe shit about the brand and stuff lol. but nvm juz do... i too polite to push the offer. den veri lame la so sian 1 the survey..... ask wad imagine adidas as a human a person then describe his personality n blah blah and rate this brand n tt brand n etc. then after do survey i so suay get $5. my sis then told mi her frenz do survey get $10-$50! haiyo....

at least this time got improvement. the last time i did a survey a woman onli give mi a ehhhhhhh pen? LOL. but i rather dun do surveys in the future so sian one unless i do it for work then every hr get 10 plus wah good sia! then more survey get 10-50 dolas then i rich liao wor ha!

now i downloading songs for my hp my hp nid new list of songs so mani songs i listen until sian ler. then com system recovery tt dae all files deleted all my songs gone, GONE >.< haiz.... n i forgot wad songs to download forgot what singers there are onli few v popular ones onli i remember lol. so todae i later go study ss dun wan study chinese ler fail den fail i wan take chinese b. hope everyone hav nice time!

signing offfff.........

2007-04-28T01:19:00.000+08:00

todae nothin much oso for the past 2 daes nothin much to sae on blog.... never study oso even examz are near i noe i suck too lazy and confused*. i wonder what will be my future..... haiz but todae oso nothin bad happen i onli skipped drama oral thingy... heck wad tt chia will sae later. todae i asked my chinese teacher sae,' lao shi ru guo wo fail chinese o lvls den wo ke yi na chinese b mah,' den she said,' reguo ni mei you pas, mei you shuo yao nah, xue siao yi ding hui yao ni na chinese b de,'

after i heard tt i damn happy! yay i now can heck care the chinese ler WHOOOHOOO! chinese for me is such a chore, i rather learn malay or maybe spanish than chinese heh ( such a disgrace to my race i noe... )

todae downloaded movie Big Fat Liar the movie is long from past but i never see b4 see see quite ok la, like amanda bynes, her acting hilarious and v good heh.

o ya todae going home at sch bus stop saw an old man so cute use style phone up till so noob looking bring up all the way to his face there the pic bwlow XD the photo not very obvious though....

lots of times i think what is the purpose of life wad is de world coming to? and why do i think? what can i feel and observe after death? too many confusing questions, life is misty no one will ever see the true picture of what life is all about. but i do believe in 1 thing. i believe in God. if there is no God there is no us. thank you God.

signing offfff......

2007-04-24T16:26:00.000+08:00

todae is the worst dae of the year.

hate it..... sch was fine n cool ( the weather....) until eng period MR CHIA THE BAD ASS GAY teached. he alwaes pick on mi sia. can;t stand him i tok casually got broken eng embarrassed mi infront whole class to correct mi make mi remember to sae the right way.siao lor.... he never see the essays i do meh? he have the impression tt i'm damn weak in eng, i noe basics ok? i juz never concentrate on wad his question is, never think properly then answered wrong la sianz!

then guess wad he did for mi to 'remember' to get my english ryte? he call whole class stand n ask whole class if he got teach b4 blah blah eng method thingy then later call 2 classmates try teach mi while whole class standing idiot ryte? then write on board then keep repeating n repeating use gay gestures coz he frustrated ( think i nt frustrated izit damn ass?!) then i never concentrate his questions when i in front of class, v paiseh wad then whole class started to laugh when i answer wrongly n wrongly again, darn la! onli Joan she nice person call whole class to dun laugh sae they very bad.

then when tt gay teacher he cant stand mi he went out class for awhile breathe air literally... ( see so drama ) then came back in. then he told mi ( after joan told whole class dun laugh ) then he sae ,' see? in this class onli 1 person know how i feel' then he sae wad he feel sry for mi but later he oso sae he frustrated, then he said ,' i was resisting to gib ur bloody face a slap'. u call my face bloody??? BLOODIER than mi is U LA Fking arrogant freak.

i would have reasoned with him if he would listen, but he is the type of teacher wad ,' i take no nonsense' he ownself sae n he very think he clever? clever my ARSE! gosh he have no idea how arrogant he is, i feel like wacking him in his face and stuff durian up his arse! ARGH! then he roll eyes at he, want roll also do quickly la! he do it like he wanna bang head into wall like tt sia! for whole class see n laugh la! stupid dammit la!

then later i went back seat, feeling damn pissed and angry then he come to mi n told mi i nid help wad i nid concentrate in class i nid do my work and maybe i can be one of his fav student in future if i do things consistently. like i wan to be his fav student la! he think this treatment is good though its hard way? i got to sae i take no nonsense de la! this type of methods wont work for mi sia wa lau! never worked b4 on mi, i will alwaes hold grudges even if he is good to me, i pity him for having such bad and revolting behaviour and character. go hell man i will never thank you.

then todae nid to study soon so i tink i better go sleep liaoz later at night wakeup do eng hw -.-' and study.

signing pisssssed offfffff.......

2007-04-23T16:27:00.000+08:00

hmmn in sch okok todae nothin bad happened. but todae PE very funny, got lower sec plae basketball then mi n 2 f4-3 guy tokin about one of the lower sec boy like blubber ( fat and short) he very loser his behaviour so hilarious that we literally laughed and kept us entertained throughout 1 period of PE sia. so saw loser keep shouting and he dunno how to plae then dun plae la lolxz.

then in class okok oso toked to gwyn, he better todae, nt sarcastic then we toked alot of things la.

then i todae take 62 home, got one guy smell literally like garbbage sat infront of me. then i very displeased i go sms ban beng, about it he ass la go put on his blog state the sms i sent him oso never sae properly. this type of thing oso wan put on blog sia. lame n call mi change my personal msg on messenger when i put something like i know i'm a big fat nosy person or something then he make fuss about it scared will get people attention and sae people alreadi wanna end it then sae i put that msg on my messenger is like wan attract attention. ehhhhh ????? i dun tink will attract anythin lor, cant even put wad i feel right? then i put my msg become forced to change personal msg.

lame la! then now i tink he appear offline.... -.-' nvm dun wan write too mani angry things later people sae i petty. -.-' -.-'

below is the pic of the old man who spoiled my dae.

signing off unfaithfully......

2007-04-22T23:21:00.000+08:00

todae nothin much at home whole dae never go church very sianz. later wanna study geo, juz drank finish coffee =)

this pic was few around 2 daes ago i sat at com very long everywhere aching then i stand up took photo of this stupid sit

then my sister restarted her blogging, yesterdae she revived her blog but delete like 20 posts? coz she last blogged was like 3 yrs ago..... this a pic of her creating her acc back or something.

sian la nothin much happen goin study later on too bad cannt draw.....
okies i better shut up later keep bragging on n on.....
signing offff..........

2007-04-21T20:40:00.000+08:00

tian ah todae or almoz everydae sian de i muz study later on!!!!

okies to start off, now i feel like a gossiper ( if such word exists). i onli tell ban beng some1 scold him msn in his nick then after i told ban beng, to confirm i went back to msn see the nick then later i told ban beng the person took off. coz in actual fact that person is stating frustration in msn on ban beng onli. but heck juz tell truth dun nid lie, nomatter the outcome at least i dun feel guilty. i will make a vow not be so nosy into other people's business the next time round.

hope nothin negative happens much but sad to sae i dun even noe whether i will go church tml, i realli dun wan go inconsistently. sighz....

i don't know about my future my studies, singapore is a tough place to live in, too much things i realli wanna sae but later i break my country rules of saein bad things bout country online. later kena sued oso dunno..... so juz stating here that i'm NOT pleased staying in my country ( hope this isn't strong enough for mi go jail LOL). i can die here. i envy those of other country who do not need to press everythin into their heads.............. we singaporeans can go crazy sadly to say but not that bad until everyone wanna commit suicide la.

no pictures todae, nothin much happening todae, i juz nid to learn to shut my mouth in the future and stop telling people things they shouldn't noe, i dun blame anyone liao, and tt business is totally not for mi to even try to start. haiz this song on my blog is realli how i feel onli the feeling nt not addicted..... is like walls are caving in.

signing off..........

2007-04-20T20:37:00.000+08:00

i feel DAMN FUCKING irritated!!!! siao i'm like wad the hell when my father showsed mi the bill for my hp, i have to pay my own la! shuld be 55 dollars nia then go up 81bucks. i dun even noe y they charged mi $26 for free incomming calls when there is all day free incomming calls for all singtel plan. fuck ryte? over this i quarrel mi everyone la shouted at my family. then got wad promo 3G thingy, added dunno y tt damn bitch at handphone shop never tell mi about this! n i paid registration fee ler then down the bill still charged my fee! GREAT! and tml i gonna call tt handphone diot. n ask her wad hell goin on.

this one is the bill

and yesterdae got bee in my house then keep flying near the computer area where i was located at that time. i use the pesticide spray it then it cannot fly then slowly slowly crawled until like dragging itself, as it crawled blood was dragged on the floor behind it then it auto overturned and died.

this is a new pair of flops i have. not very nice looking but comfortable. bought it at $45 when promotion normal price onli $4 more -.-'.

todae whole dae quite sian but happy coz i working on my 1st masterpiece in art haha now quite nice so far.... and todae skip sch juz veri tired. please God give me patience to go along in life. please and i think i realli need to go church constantly.

all i have to say for todae signing off.....

2007-04-19T15:41:00.000+08:00

todae in sch very lame feeling. dint tok to gwyn whole dae but he very irritating. keep singing, he sing until like moaning out the tunes.... diaoz. so gross la. then i like felt so annoyed n the feeling so clearly shown on my face la! then he on geo lesson for no darn reason take map n use finger tick the paper so loud like he purposely tried to irritate me!

siao la! n for no reason put his hand in front of my face when lesson going on and he clenched his fists directly infront of my face like wanna make mi scared. if it was in the past, i already use pencil stab him in the back lor -.-! veri irritating sia! then he do things in class so obvious he seeking attention and people dun even wanna bother.

i tot he is a better person, but he is still his old darn self. he veri hypocrite la! dunno when he tell wei en to motivate mi study then tt gwyn himself make so much disgusting noise in class tt he call motivating?l PUKE! and he should damn speak english PROPERLY!!!!!!! he think he speak like pro but not! he wont listen to mi when i tell him nicely like hw to speak properly, he ALWAES tink i suaning him. damn la!

y he wont take advise? i tot myself very insecure of other ppl ler then he leh? dun even take advice ( alwaes tink advises are insults...). n last time lesson i draw he call mi,' OI study la!' then he ownself in class keep smsing..... how ironic..... please take in PROPER advice! mr chia said imitate but do it AT HOME! i can't concentrate in class wheneva u do it! dun irritate mi! i said all this juz in case u ( gwyn) r reading. change change u shuld Change ( advise nt insult)

for mi i'm the type of person u people cannot be kind with. coz the more kind u ppl r to me the more quiet i become lol then i wont speak, hardly speak coz i dunno how to react to kind attitudes lol very uncomfortable de. really. so people who read this blog n noe mi plz tok to mi 'unkindly' dun tok like 1st time meet mi, my bad also la, i always shut up.

n todae, in class boring boring boring. n sit bus 853 with ban beng then show mi a pic he took of someone 'butt' like can see abit la the person so gross pants wear so low still wanna squat lol. then after tt i took bus 62 double decker home, the bus itself was veri empty there this the pic

i think thats all
signing offf

2007-04-18T16:52:00.000+08:00

yesterdae never realli blogged. my sis la one of her hamsters missing and i cannot find. then at night my sis found it behind the cupboard stucked haha.

this is the picture i took yesterdae, i funeral...... so xie men! TOUCH WOOD TOUCH WOOD!

den todae morning i took pic of gwyn neo he never tuck in properly LOL. but i take this pic nt becuz i gay la, juz wanna post some pics... interesting pics..... i dun tink gay will even interested in him la.

n yesterdae i draw my 1st ink drawing so damn nice ( ok my opinion onli la) then i bring to chapel wanna complete drawing it, draw halfway, tt idiot vp caught mi and confiscated my book...... sian lor!

last thing is, please stop the rumor that i and tiffany are together.... i juz dun get this right! y tok to a girl as a fren ppl look as bf gf so strange! like tt everyone gays and lesbian oso can ler la! keep saeing especially tt time adam khoo workshop.... sianz la. she is a nice person so = good fren. you people should start tokin to her to know her better. tian ah!

people have idiot views on things which aren't true, look at yourselves before you comment on others.

signing off.....

2007-04-17T16:12:00.000+08:00

yesterdae shet 1 never study! i went sleep at 6.30pm so early want to wakr up around 9pm then slept all the way till 5am.... then wake up go bathe.

then todae kena picked on class during eng lesson haiz n tt gwyn gosh dun wan to bout him todae, wait till i ren wu ke ren then i blog this.

den yesterdae in bus, i sit behind a lady in double-decker bus. she keep turning 90 degrees looking out ofda window. i look out of window she keep turning, SO IRRITATIN! den i in bus wanna take pic of sun but later she look at mi tink i wanna take her pic, so old lor even if throw at mi i oso dun wan!

den todae in BUS got one old man..... come in double decker, almoz fakll down n see a sit juz became empty due to a person get of bus then u go sit. he did tt like 4 times la! siao one. i think he like hot seats izit? people sit hot hot then he want sit..... lame sia. n todae online help banbeng gib links to the words for wordpower and told him to delete one of tiff photos coz she dun like people see, he n mi oso deleted. from our blog.

so later gonna study lit and do eng hw yuck! signing offffffffffffffff

2007-04-15T15:17:00.000+08:00

hmmn todae i go church, my fren wei en's church and these are the photos i took

this is wei en. he block face....

this is the exit sign i was longing for

and this tiff veri style hor but never take proper pic of her and she wear bling k?

this is wei en and..... his gf???? maybe???

last of all walked past lasalle ,design of building so ugly i dun wanna go tt sch so EX!

so its was alright dae at wei en's church was was sufficiently awkward..... blogging stop for now =T

2007-04-14T00:37:00.000+08:00

now early morning 12plus.... wanna post some pics =))DD

this one is my 1st WIP of BOA a drawing

den became

then i wanna draw pics of ayumi

and oso wan draw potraits of christina 2 pics

damn hot la, in artistic way tt is. i nt pervert type lol.

2007-04-13T16:34:00.000+08:00

todae still sian everydae like sian sian de. but todae ban beng sent mi a short video to my hp on bluetooth. the video strting till almost the end, is sweet video take of car moving in nice scenery then suddenly got a 'woman' monster one appear and scream lol. i was not shocked, but i kept laughing when i saw tt in class lol.

todae never hand up eng homework i can prepare to die ler and never hand up all files. n todae wee yang gave mi his handphone no he stupid 1 after i save his no. , i called him so tt his hp have no ho no. then later i sms him sae got anot he dint reply......

tired now hehe nothing much to sae or i think later i continue my blogging my brain nw blank yawnz*****

signing off ( juz heard my mum called out,' boyyyyyy what you doin? ' haiyo

2007-04-12T19:51:00.000+08:00

todae sianz and tired, i juz feel sooo bored. skipped chem after sch lesson todae. go oso no use de. i dun understand a single damn thing bout formulas. how am i gonna past mid yr? i have no idea. juz feel tired

Uneventful day although todae got run 2.4km for physical fitness test. the first time i ran after a loooong time since i did properly for the 2.4km ran was like 3 weeks ago i tink my timing was 15.15min, the next week was 14.05 and this week, for the actual test was 12.59. improved alot since 3 weeks ago but my timing was still nt good enough, should have drank more salt added more salt to my cereal drink this morning hehe.

i feel a little weird to go wei en church this week sundae. my church last time ( methodist church ) believed about speaking in tongues while my fren's church doesn't i donno if i am making the right choice. these few daes abit tired and giddy in the head like feeling of fever and like got the feeling of food stuck at the back of my nose. horrible!

i still don't know bout my future even if i work hard.... i don't know if there is any use at all. art-related works in singapore are all so lowly paid, i'm like wad for putting myself in all these torture of studying? its unfair that certain countries do not solely rely on certs and wadeva in singapore. not a flame, just a thought. paper and paper and paper why does everything have to be on paper? even letting people know your abilities on paper to prove to people you can do something.

i just want to draw everyday for the rest of my ife. 24hrs a day is toooooooo SHORT! SIGHZ. at moz timez i m reali confused about wad life is all about, too many possible reasons.

my eyes are shutting signing off for nw :- i

2007-02-12T18:33:00.000+08:00

todae okies okies, but strange is gwyn like ignore me sia. dunno if he angry or wad, realli blurr. dun tok to me whole dae lol. but it wont kill. hmmn so 3 daes i dint go online use net ler. my com got some internet prob, now got virus. sianz. hmmnnn then todae in class draw draw draw, totally out of inspiration. n todae PE so sianz run 5 rounds, then running my shoe laces come out. but keep on running, then when 4th round finish ernest from f4-3 sae rest dun care, then later like 1 min later all of us run again, lol. life suxz at times dunno wadz the purpose of life n death. even the compo of life and death i anyhw write de, scrape out the rubbish in my head n slap it onto the compo. today never eat lunch so hungry nw, n nw tokin to tiffany on msn hmmn so long never see her blog later go see whether she got update anot haha. i write until here for nw mayb later will post another 1 lolxz